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If you said something really mean to someone would you apologize or just move on?

I feel so guilty about some things I said to my child's father during a recent argument. These were things I didn't mean...I just wanted to hurt him and now I feel awful about that even though I know we are definitely finished. I usually never say things I know I can't take back but this time I did. In my defense, the father behaves in a very remote manner to our son and getting financial assistance from him is like pulling teeth, and I was frustrated and fed up. However, I have nagging feelings of guilt for having been so mean. We haven't spoken since the argument, its been about a month, but should I email him an apology for being so hateful? Not for expressing my disappointment in having a child with an adult who behaves like a child himself, but for wishing him ill? I feel like I can't rest until I do.

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:40 AM on Oct. 19, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • It would make you feel a lot better to apologize by all means do! This is the reason I often resort to keeping quite and later writing about how I feel, we tend to say things in the heat of the moment we do not really mean.

    Answer by older at 11:42 AM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • If it would make you feel better, apologize. I've never been in your situation so I can't say what I would do from that angle, but I always try to apologize if I've run my mouth and said things I didn't mean in order to just cause pain.

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 11:43 AM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • I'd apologize. Even if he is a jerk or whatever, apologizing shows maturity.

    Answer by kittieashy at 11:43 AM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • In this case, yes! Especially if you feel guilty about it. That's your conscience speaking. But I wouldn't do it through an e-mail or over the telephone.

    Answer by motherofpearls at 11:44 AM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • Then you should apologize for yourself to get the bad "kharma" off of your shoulders. Don't do it for him but for YOU;-)
    Take care!

    Answer by SunnieStyles at 11:46 AM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • Apologize and then move on. It is the right thing to do, and will likely make you feel better. The fact that you feel bad speaks volumes about you character.

    Answer by twin_mommy at 11:46 AM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • I would apologize.

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 11:47 AM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • I would apologize. Especially if it eases your mind.

    Answer by tiddliwinks at 11:55 AM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • If you feel you should apologize then yeah, apologize! Who knows, maybe he doesn't even care but clearly YOU do and you'll probably feel much better if you do. =)

    Answer by firenicecream at 12:01 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • Apologize for what you said that was wrong. Take responsibility for your actions. Say something like "I said things that I didn't mean, and now I'm sorry I said them. I was very angry, and my anger got the best of me. I should have just told you the things that I was upset about, and not attacked you personally. You are the father of my child, and we will have to have contact with each other concerning the child. In the future, I am going to be more respectful towards you so that we can make decisions that are best for the child" Don't say, I said this because you did that. Try in the future to just state the facts, (often the more words you use-men stop listening-short and sweet works better) I hope this helps. That man will be in your life for the rest of your life. He is connected to you through the child. Best to find a way to communicate now. Good luck.

    Answer by SweetLuci at 12:02 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

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