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Defiant 4 year old.

My son who is for and in a 5 day a week preschool program is having trouble at school(and at home) with not listening. Not only does he not listen but when you ask him to do the simplest thing such as come here so I can tie your shoe he growls stomps his foot and screams No and cries fro up to 15 min.. We went though this when he was two and it got better now we are right back where we started. at home we have tried talking about it, time out and letting him scream it out in his room. The problem is only with me and his teacher. He is an Angle for everyone else...And really very good at school with me a good bit of the time. It's like we have these days where all hell has broke loose and I want to run away. How can I solve this at home and at his school?


Asked by But_Mommie at 4:19 PM on Oct. 28, 2008 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (9)
  • A couple if hints I got from friends when my DD went through this. First, plan ahead. You have to be able to take the time to show how important it is ti "mind". Second, do "If...then" statements. If you clean up your room, then we can read a book." If you talk back to mom, then you will sit on the step for 4 minutes". ALWAYS follow through with what you have as your "then". Also, the best piece of advice I got was that you need to look them in the eye when you expect them to do something or when you are talking with them about something important. They need to have your full attention and you should have theirs'. It shows respect. Good luck!

    Answer by GNMom88 at 7:18 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • My DD was doing the same thing. You have to let them know who's boss, and beat em..LOL..Not really but you know. If you don't now it only get worse

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:24 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • you know my first choice in wording where I put run a way was beat him LOL I thought that might cause problems though. PEOPLE I would never beat my son it is a figure of speech in this case. :0)

    Answer by But_Mommie at 4:26 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • I have 4 kids now, and I had to beat them to keep them all inline..LOL.. now they hardley get introuble.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:29 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • I did try with my 4 yr old being really strict and he just got worst. Show him how much you love him and try to do activities together. Go for a walk, read a book, play soccer, I don't know something that you two would really enjoy. That would take the stress out of him and you, and you can work with him better. That what I'm doing with my four yr old, and also I have my husband doing at least twice a week a "daddy and me" time, that way you can have a free time for yourself and your boy will be busy working out he'll be less tense. Good luck, and let me know how it worked out! =) lol

    Answer by jcampos at 5:07 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • When my oldest was around 4 he went from being the sweetes, quietest little boy to being a hellion. I of course started blaming myself and was really confused so I did what I usually do. Go to the books. I read up on 4-5 yr and found out that it is normal. It's just like the terrible twos but they can talk and argue better.
    He got a time out when he miss behaved curtain ways, and got ignored for things that he was just trying to get attention for like screaming.
    Also what I did is talk to him when nothing is happening, like watching tv this way emotions wont get in the way of having a meaningful talk. He is testing his boundries just dont let him knock them over

    Answer by perksmom at 6:27 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • Get on his level, look him in the eyes, and talk with him. Give him options when you can. But things like tying shoes? Go to him, kneel, and tie his shoe telling him something like, "Mommy has to tie your shoe because if Mommy doesn't you might trip on the laces and fall and that would make Mommy so sad if you got hurt." Preschoolers take a lot of patience. They're learning so much about their world and they want so much freedom but they're just not ready for it. They're exploring bounderies and that's usually where the defiance comes in.

    Good luck!!

    Answer by nytefae at 9:54 AM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • Get him outside, he's bored and probably too smart for his preschool class. He probably has TONS of pent up energy and when he isn't listening the most it's because he doesn't see a point. I would kick him ouside and make him run around, better yet you get out and run him around. Wear him out. My four year old son and six year old stepson are SOOO much better at doing what I ask them if they have really played hard, but what comes next is enough sleep to balance out. Play TAG, hide and seek. Take a nap.

    Answer by MamaRoberts at 4:34 PM on Oct. 30, 2008

  • I knew a child like this in the preschool where I worked last year.

    I was one of the only teachers he would listen to because when he said NO or I DON'T WANT TO... I would ask him, "Did I tell you, or did I ask you?" (and you have to MAKE SURE you aren't asking "Do you want to take a nap now?" ... say "Now it's time to take your nap. Lie down.", or whatever...tying shoes, whatever it is. TELL. Don't ASK.)

    He would sniff and say "You told me." and then he'd do whatever it was I told him to do (still saying "I don't want to." while he did it, but it got done.)

    Answer by ChapelleCDH at 11:35 PM on Oct. 31, 2008