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A question for the second wife.....

Does your DH's family still talk about his first wife? My DH and I have been married 5 yrs together for 6 and no matter what we can not get through a gathering without them asking about the ex!! It always starts out the same way, they ask about his daughter (from the first marriage) then it leads into questions about the ex and it goes on and on, it seems to consume alot of time and energy. Just wondering if anyone else has this happen and what you have done to try to stop it.


Asked by sue118 at 12:50 PM on Oct. 19, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (4,318 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • Ah, I see now. HE needs to TELL them. And you both need to CHANGE the subject every single time. Without fail. And put a consequence to their inability to drop it.

    SCENE: Family gathering;

    "How's Jane?"

    "She's fine. Did you see the game last night? What a pitcher those Rangers have!"

    "Jane was such a bitch."

    "I think the Rangers might just beat the Yankees, what do you think?"

    ""I asked you about JANE."

    "I know. And I IGNORED the question. We're talking BASEBALL. Or we're not talking."

    "But Jane was so..."

    "What Jane WAS is not important. If you can't let it go, then we cannot talk."

    Exeunt Sue & DH, stage left.

    The only way to get this to stop is for the two of you to dictate that it WILL stop... and put some teeth into it.

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:41 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • No. She'll come up in conversation occasionally, but only when she was a part of a story someone is telling , or something like that. They didn't have any kids.

    I would let your DH know and have him talk to his family about it. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable. Asking about his daughter is one thing, but they should have enough respect to refrain from asking about the ex.

    Answer by LeanneC at 12:59 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • I'm on my second husband, and my family never speaks of my ex. Well, occasionally they will ask "So, have you heard from *** lately?" because he's supposed to be visiting his son every once in a while, but never does.

    Answer by MunchiesMom324 at 1:02 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • Nope, never. But they hardly knew her and there were no children involved. HE talked about her more than anyone, and it never bothered me one bit because she is his past.

    You cannot change his past. It remains there forever. You need to remember that he is married to YOU now and simply BE CIVIL. Don't expend any energy worrying about it. It's not worth your time.

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:03 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • gdiamante I don't worry about it. It bothers him too. He gets sick of hearing about her and having questions asked. It is like they keep reliving what happened. They are bitter about her and keep bringing up the fact that she cheated on him and how terrible of a mother they think she is. It isn't a situation where I am jealous. I know my marriage is fine. It's just stupid to keep reliving a bad past. It's like they can't move on.

    Comment by sue118 (original poster) at 1:08 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • oh yeah... I have been married to my husband for nearly four years raising his daughter from his first marriage for 5...the real mom (hubbys ex) was in prison for shaking a baby when we met...and he was still raising her first two kids from her previous marriage. My step daughter has major issues and the big kids now over eighteen have problems too. The real mom is out of prison but a mess, has no contact w/ my SD but my MIL is big on this once you're family that's it so talks on the phone to1st wife once in a while and invites the older kids (step daughters half brother and sister) around every chance she gets. Which is traumatizing for my SD because they don't stay in contact and see her once every other year or get husbands EX sslter in law occasionaly comes to visit and expects me to put her and her bratty kids up at my house...when I know all she's doing is spying me and reporting to the luc

    Answer by feloniousbelle at 1:14 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • Just go with the flow and dont let it bother you. Your the 1 he is with now.

    Answer by INLOVE25 at 1:44 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • I'm not the second wife but I am remarried. My family always asks how my ex is simply because he was part of the family once and he's the father of my son. I don't believe they are doing it to hurt you and I bet they wouldn't ask at all if they didn't have a child together.

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 2:18 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • I don't think I am explaining my situation right. I am not jealous or insecure about my relationship with the inlaws or my husband. I know they all like me (way more than the first wife) but they keep rehashing a very bad time in my husbands life. What she did to him how it hurt him, what a bad mother she is etc etc. It is just a waste to keep revisiting all of this. It just makes everyone get angry and feel hatred toward her and it is my opinion that if something is going to upset you why keep talking about it. It is in the past and there is no reason to keep bringing up something that can't be changed and something that makes you angry.

    Comment by sue118 (original poster) at 2:23 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • and my husband agrees, he is tired of hearing it

    Comment by sue118 (original poster) at 2:25 PM on Oct. 19, 2010