Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Is adopted a forever status or just how you got to your family?

this person was throwing this huge party for adopted kids....inviting anyone adopted...seeking out kids who have adoption in their life to the point of straight out asking kids at school if they might be adopted (must have been profiling families who look adopted).

I was way put off....adoption was just a beginning to our family....and lots of kids had lots of changes around their adoption....ya I would like to re story that traumatic time...but I'm not sure being outed as adopted by a stranger is the way.....

 
surfcitymom

Asked by surfcitymom at 1:19 PM on Oct. 19, 2010 in Adoption

Level 24 (19,144 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • I was adopted but I don't think of it as a status. As a child I actually thought it was cool and made me different and special because someone loved me so much they wanted what was best for me. I have a good relationship with my bio family and actually live close to them. I will always say I was adopted and will tell my daughter. I'm not ashamed of it and it's not a secret. I think children should know cause if they find out later there could be problems. I don't really know if I answered your question, but that's my adoption experience.
    kittieashy

    Answer by kittieashy at 3:15 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • I see adoption as normal. There is nothing abnormal about it. So it just is. What is forever? No, I do not like the term forever family. Partly because if something should ever happen to myself or my husband.....that isn't being there forever for our son. Death or illness is a reality. So I don't make a promise I can't keep. His status was chosen for him by adults in his life. First by his birth mother and then by us. It was not something he actively chose. I also don't think celebrating every aspect of his adoption is primary. We do celebrate the day his adoption was finalized but that is about it. If adoption is a normal way to expand a family then celebrating gotcha day, the day we found out about you, the day your adoption was finalized, your birthday (which you can't help but think about the family of orgin)....too much. It is saying you are "special" when every child is special. But adoption just IS.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:36 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • i dont think they shouuld be asking kids that my husband is adopted and i know but we havw never told our son that his dad was adopted
    CarlaJean99

    Answer by CarlaJean99 at 1:25 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • The point is, it isn't just a start. Medical history problems never go away, possible identity problems don't go away, not looking or behaving anything like the family around you.
    Plus, many adoptions aren't forever.

    Adoption isn't just a start. It is a continual thing, that affects different things as we grow. I'm 26 now, and my husband's fmaily had allergies. Did my family? Because f we did, we should delay peanuts and other high allergy things for my daughter. If they didn't, we should introduce them earlier so she can get used to them.

    The party idea might not have been in your taste... but it is helpful to kids to get to know others who are...
    Piskie

    Answer by Piskie at 3:05 AM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • Seems very rude. If you and your child are open about his/her adoption that is your business, but no one else needs to know unless you tell them. Do adopted kids need to be reminded all the time that they are adopted or should they get to live normal lives with their loving parents?
    Shanna84

    Answer by Shanna84 at 1:27 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • Is "adopted" a forever status...well, yes. It's like saying my daughter has brown hair and blue eyes. That is as much her as the fact that she was adopted. Do I want her to live her life day to day thinking "I'm adopted...I'm adopted...I'm adopted..."? No. But we do celebrate it by having a celebration on the day we brought her home and the day her adoption was finalized.

    Maybe it's because I in no way, shape, or form hide it (in fact, I get very interesting reactions by my openness of DD's adoption), but I'm just not seeing anything wrong with it.
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 1:34 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • My DD has an IEP and I do see the "ADOPTED" option too. I think that is more in regards to nature/nurture and to not expecting Mom and Dad to have the entire history. There are some things where I question why it is necessary to know that my child is adopted as opposed to me birthing her, but anything medical, mental, or developmental (IEP), I certainly understand.

    I wonder about this party...was there a reason behind it being thrown?
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 1:45 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • who was throwing this party? a adult or a kid?
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 2:06 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • I will say the party is a bit weird...but we were taught to celebrate my DS's adoption day yearly...Almost like a birthday...my DS will always know and be reminded that he was because it was the most amazing day of our lives. It is important for them to always know their past and where they came from. Forgetting it seems to me like would be making it an embarassment..
    coolchic320

    Answer by coolchic320 at 2:58 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • I would not sign an IEP with my son's status as listed as adopted. This puts adoption as the cause of learning issues and the rsponsibility is not with the school. A very sneaky way of saying these problems are the result of poor parenting. I have sat in on dozens of IEP's. Unfortunately....any way to dismiss the school as being responsible is a key tactic. I have always said a school will hate me if my son ever needs an IEP. I know the process and the laws better than the teachers sitting in those meetings. I actually feel sorry for my child's future teachers.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 7:13 PM on Oct. 22, 2010