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How do you cope with family drama?

Im going through a transistion in my life. Married for three years and just about to have our first child. My whole life my family has been controling over me now that I have my own family Im having trouble keeping them out of my bussiness. As soon as I tell them something personal they gossip about it and congure up what I should do and shouldnt do amongst each other. Its so annoying how if at any point I open up to one of them about for example financial issues they will all know about my finances and even assume even more surrounding it and later come over and litterlally take inventory of my home and gossip about what we have been spending our money on. Now they are even discussing birthing plans for me behind my back and discussing child rearing tactics for me. I love them but I cant stand them. Help. I can go months with our seeing them but I miss them but I dont know how to keep them at a healthy balance.

 
SunshineSandie

Asked by SunshineSandie at 2:32 PM on Oct. 19, 2010 in Relationships

Level 8 (263 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I had an issue with my mother being very very controlling of everything that happened in my life married and all. I finally just stopped saying anything to her or any of the members of the family that likes to butt their nose in my business or form an opinion about a situation that was way off base of the actual issue. I learned that it was time for the strings to be cut and it was hard because I love my family but hate the way DRAMA was their essence in life. I am now Drama free and they can enjoy their drama without me...now they have moved on to my little sister and her life...you can always direct them to another family member LOL...j/j...
    4_28_bbboy

    Answer by 4_28_bbboy at 2:38 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • Me personally.............................

    Very simply stated.

    I just don't.. I do not deal with family drama.

    I do not insert myself into family drama. I do not invite my family into my marriage by sharing my marital issues/discords with them.. I do not ask about family drama.. If someone begins to share any, I flat out say "I'm not interested in hearing it" and I walk away (Figuratively and literally )

    Drama, be it family or otherwise, is something I have no need or want for in my life. And I do my utmost best not to invite into my life.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 2:38 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • well honey its like this for me.i keep to my self most of the time and do my best not to give them any thing to talk about,so if the do talk about me they dont know crap.i realy omly talk to my mom about whats going on and she does not tell any one.if she does i tell her nicely not to say any thing else.i have got so mad at my mom before because she had said something and i let her know about it right thier on the spot to please keep your mouth shut.i know how a familys are and i sorry your in this mess hun.i hope i have help you some.have a good day if you can dont let your family get to you its not worth the headack.
    ladybug36519

    Answer by ladybug36519 at 2:41 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • The relatives I have who I found out were talking behind my back, I just flat out don't give them anything to talk about anymore. It does not go beyond simple everyday chatting. They try for information but don't get any.

    Gossiping and talking behind someone's back is not help. It's fine to be close but that sounds like the exact opposite of what is happening in your case. This is not close, it is enmeshed. You don't gossip about a relative's problems or go to their house and assess what they own so you can tell them what to buy or not to. You don't make plans about someone else's birth experience or plan how that child will be reared. If you don't want this to keep happeneing, you have to keep a distance and cut them off when they try to force themselves into your personal issues by letting them know, in a civil but firm manner, that it will not be tolerated.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 2:53 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • I dont I hate drama my kids i will if they ask an oppion otherwise its on them they are adults im still thier mom not thier mommy.
    peace013

    Answer by peace013 at 2:38 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • Yeah it would be totaly different if that was the case. But they dont help us financially nor would i take any money from them anyway cuz it would only make them feel like they own me even more. They dont come and mow my lawn thye love to gossip about my husband not cutting enough. They arent having this baby either that they keep criticizing that Im not going to be able ot give birth to because thye know so much more than me about my own body. :(
    SunshineSandie

    Comment by SunshineSandie (original poster) at 2:39 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • I don't give them anymore ammo. Period.

    If you have an issue with something I do or how I do it, and you can't say it to my face? Then you don't need to talk about it.

    My grandmother is the worst and it sucks because I live with her. So other than the bare info I have to give her to get by, she gets ZERO.

    I don't say anything to her about my finances, friends, relationships, work, or interests. It makes her crazy and nosy, but it's saving my sanity.

    My advice: Find other emotional support. Build a family of your own (friends, etc.) that you can trust. And when they show up or offer unsolicited advice, be polite but firm in your "thanks but no thanks" response.
    geminilove

    Answer by geminilove at 2:57 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • If you can't live with 'em, you can live without 'em.

    People only know as much about your personal situation as you share with them. If your family knows more about your finances or relationship than you would post on Face Book, then you have said too much. Very personal details should be kept personal, and only shared as needed with trustworthy supportive people.

    When talking to people who dig with personal questions for gossip you can politely change the subject, say everything is "fine" or directly ask them "why do you want to know?". If you are just having diarreah of the mouth without being asked questions then you need to learn to stop yourself.
    Niki_sd

    Answer by Niki_sd at 3:53 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • sounds relatively normal for a lot of people, but if you don't like it, I wouldn't involve them in personal topics.
    you don't have to cut them out, but you can put a bit of distance between you and them.
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 6:55 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • When someone offers a suggestion or comment about your life or circumstance, just thank them for their concern, but you and your dh have a solution. And my advice, don't confide in them any more, if you need to get something off your chest, keep a journal. Inviting your family in your business contributes to the drama. Show them your game face and lean on someone else.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 7:36 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

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