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2 Bumps

Does your husband take things over?

My husband and I have a very close relationship, but I feel like I don't have anything that is just mine. I started a playgroup and he became an active role in that. I wanted to start fundraising for a certain event and he joined too. Then recently I took the position of Vice President of the PTO at my kids' school and he's already talking about all this stuff that WE can do. I don't want to be mean. Other than working, he doesn't have much else, but some stuff I want to just be my project.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:21 PM on Oct. 19, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • If I were you I would encourage my husband to join some activities on his own. It is healthy for couple to do things together and apart-it makes them appreciate each other more and makes the marriage stronger. If you can get him to join some activities of his own then he will have less time to crash yours. He may be joining all of your activities because he wants to be involved in activities but has troubles finding ones of his own so he just joins all of yours-he sounds like a very supportive and wonderful husband who could just use some "man-time" Good Luck!!
    AshleyBishop06

    Answer by AshleyBishop06 at 7:20 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • It sounds like he just wants to do things together with you (an awful lot, apparently). But I can totally understand how you want something for yourself, too. The only thing I can say is, talk to him about it. Explain that even though you love spending time with him, you'd like for something to be just yours, too...
    Anouck

    Answer by Anouck at 3:22 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • I am very jealous...:-)
    My DH had no interest in doing things together---he would leave all that to me and he would rather play golf or hit the bars with the guys. @@ He was a real doofus. He is my EX.
    Be grateful for your wonderful hubby!
    kerp1960

    Answer by kerp1960 at 3:27 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • It sounds like he just wants to be involved in the things you are to be together. My husband is the same way. He thinks we should do EVERYTHING together. I think he thinks that is a good marriage. I totally understand where you are coming from though. I need to have some things that are just mine too. I just have had to explain to him that time apart can be good for us. At first his feelings were hurt but I had to explain over and over again my reasons. That it didn't have anything to do with him or how I felt about him that I needed it for me. I have tried to get him to do things on his own too. And that took awhile but he has started to do some things on his own now too. He actually will get up and go fishing on Sunday mornings even when I am at home! I think it's great and I think he is starting to enjoy it too.
    sue118

    Answer by sue118 at 3:35 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • I am with kerp. My ex didn't do things with me or with the family.
    Enjoy that he wants to help.
    My3Ez

    Answer by My3Ez at 3:34 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • It sounds like he enjoys being a part of your activities and doesnt think you really mind since you havent spoken to him about it. I bet if you said "Hey, I love you but can I just do this one thing alone? I want to see if I can. If I need help though you will be the first I come to."
    4_28_bbboy

    Answer by 4_28_bbboy at 3:26 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • Its great he wants to be so involved, but I totally get where you're coming from. My husband is the same way in most things. Maybe let him know next time you do something you kind of want it to be just your little project. Or find something only you can do, or that you know he would have NO interest in. But still definitely let him know, tell him its nothing personal you just want something for just you to help you unwind from everything else and have some you time but you would still love for him to help out in other areas as well because you do appreciate his involvement in things.
    Jezzeria

    Answer by Jezzeria at 9:47 AM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • I'm actually quite jealous. That would make me really happy to have a hubby so involved in my life.
    Since it bothers you just ask him to give you at least one activity that is all yours. Apparently he doesn't realize his interest in your extra curriculars is too much for you.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 3:58 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • Sounds to me like he just wants to be involved in your life, and he enjoys doing things with you. There are so many women who'd love to have a man that into them. Be thankful. If it really bothers you that much, talk to him, but be warned, its probably going to hurt his feelings pretty badly.
    hobbitswife04

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 4:00 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • No. We don't do everything together, but there are some things we do enjoy sharing in. Maybe you should sit down and talk to him, and tell him that you love him, and you love spending time with him, but you think that you both need some time for yourselves. This way, you have more to talk about when you are spending time together at the end of the day. I'm sure he won't mind, he just doesn't realize that he is kind of smothering you with all this togetherness. 

    Punky_1981

    Answer by Punky_1981 at 6:41 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

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