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childhood boyfriend

I am married, have been to the same man for 13 years. I still think of my boyfriend from high school. He asked me to marry him and I said no. When I was ready he had given up and moved on. I wonder all the time if I made a mistake. I wouldn't take anything for my 3 kids. But you know how you always ask yourself "what if." Should I feel bad?


Asked by arenad at 3:39 PM on Oct. 19, 2010 in Relationships

Level 23 (15,984 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I think it's normal to sometimes wonder "what if".... But obsessing about it is not healthy. I assume you love your husband, right? So why not focus on that? Focus on all the wonderful things you wouldn't have if you hadn't married him, or had kids with him.

    Answer by Anouck at 3:42 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • Funny, I have the EXACT same scenario..and line asked me and I said yes, at 18!! THen we broke up I married at 27 and we have been together 14 years married 6 with 2 and 1 on the way...My ex joined the Navy got married and since had a son a year ago..but yes i think about him and what I did all those years ago and how different it would be.
    I have my kids and a good life now, but I wonder...

    Answer by Happymom2-2 at 3:42 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • My childhood sweetheart and I spent 8 years thinking "what if" before we finally got back together. Not that I'm suggesting breaking up your family or anything. I just know what its like...

    Answer by bandgeek521 at 3:53 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • Let it go...there's a reason why you didn't marry him and for whatever reason, let it go.

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 3:54 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • It didn't happen for a reason and that reason was that you two weren't ready. You moved on adn so did he, so accept that and be happy with who you did choose. If it was meant to be you two would've made it happen by now, especially in the moment that he asked you. You chose not to, so clearly you felt it wasn't right to be with him. Whether time passed and things changed is a story you'll never know. Worrying about it now is silly, because you have a husband and a family. Be happy with that.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 4:03 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • It's OK to think about it briefly but it's better to just be happy with that you already have.

    Answer by SylviaNCali at 6:19 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • "Of all the words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these: It might have been." 

    I have found this to be very true in most cases, but you really can't live your life wondering what would have happened if you had said yes. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe you wouldn't have been truly happy with him, it's like the Garth Brooks song Unanswered Prayers. What you wish for today, isn't always going to make you happy tomorrow. 


    Answer by Punky_1981 at 6:37 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • You are idealizing the old relationship....thirteen years is a long time and both of you have changed much since then.....there are no shoulda woulda couldas in life there is just what you have chose the path that gave you the children you have...there was no mistake...

    Answer by Anna92464 at 7:58 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • I still think of my first very often... we broke up and spent some time apart... he called me when he heard i was dating someone else.. which i was i guess but for me it was just my first attempt to get him off my mind.. he said he wanted to take me out to my favorite place to eat... (we were leaving the next day for spring break) so when we got back.. sad thing is .. someone decided to tell him that i was with the same guy i was "dating" (since he was in the group that went with us) and he called and cussed me how... and we didnt speak for years.. he went to the same college i did and we spoke once (after i had my daughter and divorced her father) and he he gave me a hug and we talked then he went to class.. i went to my moms job and cried my eyes out.... i still feel as though i love him... but i am happy with my husband now and i think of it as.. i love who he was. i dont know who is is NOW..

    Answer by Ross2010 at 11:17 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • No I don't think you should because if he really loved you he would've waited for you

    Answer by Love58 at 9:56 PM on Oct. 28, 2010