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3 Bumps

dont let it bother me?

ok so my husbands ex... the girl he dated before we got together... shes a real sweet girl.. but the other day i got on the comp to check something and when i turned the screen on .. his email was up... and as I was going to exit it.. i saw a msg from her.. his ex.. someone he hasnt spoken to in over 3 years.. i saw that is was a reply msg.. and i saw both ends of the conversation.. he sent her a birthday wish.. blah blah blah and at the end it said.. i will always think the absolute best of you.. ok no big deal.. but it kind of struck me bc we have had a lot of tension btw us lately due to his parents not respecting me and him not standing up for me.. now i am not one to keep it to myself.. so i casually said i went to check my FB but your email was up.. saw youve been talking to michelle.. he said yea i sent her a birthday msg like a month ago.. OK.. it was sent like the day before.. wth? why lie.. and then CONTINUED


Asked by Ross2010 at 4:34 PM on Oct. 19, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (4,420 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • it to him just like you did to us in your posted question then he will be more open to discussion and won't get defensive. I really hope that everything works out for the best. In my experience having open communication about feelings is the best thing for a marriage even if it isn't easy or causes a fight at the moment its when you bottle up feelings and let them consume you that it causes real relationship problems.

    Answer by AshleyBishop06 at 7:06 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • You've mentioned two different times you "wish" you would have said something or you "thought" about saying something. My advice is sit down with him and SAY these things to him. He needs to know how you feel and you need a good explanation for what is going on. Don't jump to conclusions just yet, but don't keep your feelings and questions bottled up inside.


    Answer by Dyndudes at 4:44 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • I think the very best of one or two of my ex's, but that doesn't mean that I have any feelings for them or intentions regarding them. It's harmless and I just want them to have a good life and be happy, because they really deserve it. I think that's the way that your husband meant it. I think that him saying "Yea I wrote it about a month ago" wasn't so much a life, but maybe a laps in memory. Sometimes I say things like that as well and realize later that the date or time was different then what I had said. It sounds innocent enough for me. I think you're letting this get to you because of your situation. I don't think that he's being shady or anything.

    If it really bothers you then talk to him. In a civil and calm manner and see where he stands. Don't let it eat you up, because that'll only make a possible innocent situation into something it's not.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 4:45 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • Sounds shady to me. There is no reason he should want to contact his ex unless he is looking for something outside his marriage. I am sorry, but to lie about it? BS to anyone who thinks it is okay. Men only contact exes when they are unhappy in their current relationship. Best to get to the bottom of it.

    Answer by CarriePM at 4:37 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • but i didnt call him out on it.. bc it was a harmless birthday email.. but the last sentence did throw a few questions my way.. especially since we werent really on the same page.. then today.. he was cleaning out his art room and i was in there going through some pics and he said oh yea this reminds me (holding a black light) that I have 2 black lights at her house (saying his ex's name) i need to call her sometime to get those back... maybe i am just letting my head wonder too much into things.. and the fact that we cant have sex.. doesnt really help (pelvic rest... doctors orders) ..... i just said alright.. and kind of looked at him like hmm.. but whatever.. and he said i wish when i said something like that your would say yea baby that sounds good you need to get your stuff back.. and i wanted to say yea well it would be easier if you hadnt of lied to me about the whole thing to begin with.. then i wouldnt 2nd guess..???

    Comment by Ross2010 (original poster) at 4:39 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • I think you are thinking into things entirely too much.

    Answer by xxlilmomma09 at 4:42 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • I don't think you are reading into anything. Like I said, sounds shady. What does he care about blacklights? He is having a baby soon, no? Give me a break.

    Answer by CarriePM at 4:44 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • If I were you I would let it go and think there is a reason she is the ex.

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 4:57 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • I dont think you should worry.I think the best of my ex's.I am friends with ALL my ex's lol but because i think they are great people doesnt mean i want to be with them or even think about being with them in anyway. and Maybe you can go buy him new black lights? or go with him to get them(ask and see what he says ;) ) Im sure things are FINE.Adults and split without hate lol

    Answer by ryanlynn at 5:03 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • I think you are thinking to much about this. So he sent her a birthday email. Big deal. That doesn't mean anything. Now if he had said in the email "I love you, can't wait to see you this weekend" I'd be a little more inclined to think there was something shady going on. Sounds like it was just an innocent email. Who cares when it was sent. 

    I would just let it go if I was you, and focus on the bigger things in your life. 


    Answer by Punky_1981 at 6:31 PM on Oct. 19, 2010