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What would you do only one of your children was invited to a halloween party, and the one with life threatening allergies (peanut) left out?

My best friend is going through this situation right now. I feel very involved because we are like family more than we are friends.

We belong to a homeschool group which is a group consisting of other secular home schoolers in our area.

The issue is, the group planned a halloween party & invited all the families to attend. However, they specified that my friends daughter, Elizabeth- was NOT allowed to come because of her allergies.

To specify, she is deathly allergic to Peanuts, treenuts, coconuts, & seasame seeds. Its life threatening. She gets anaphylactic, starts to convulse and then organs start failing.

They told my friend that her other children were invited, but Elizabeth could not attend. I feel that this is terribly descriminating. Its not like they said hey, you can come but bring your own snacks. Plus, its not that hard to NOT have obvious peanuts or open peanut candies at a party. Thoughts anyone?


Asked by Anonymous at 9:57 PM on Oct. 19, 2010 in Kids' Health

This question is closed.
Answers (22)
  • OP, I really get where you're coming from, it probably is just laziness trying to cater to your friend's daughter, however there is a HUGE difference between catering to someone's dietary CHOICES and one that could, very possibly, kill a child.

    I wouldn't want that burden on me if I were throwing a party....I would be terrified the entire evening. I also, however, wouldn't have a party if I knew one of the children had to be excluded though...because, as you've pointed out, it seems (validly) "low" to purposefully exclude a child.

    If I were in that situation, I probably would try to understand the reasonings and politely decline ANY of my children attending. I'd then throw my own party (peanut free) and invite all the children to celebrate.

    Good luck!

    Answer by mainemusicmaker at 10:22 AM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • I think it is hurtful. As her friend, I would go to the planners and ask them to reconsider. If not just do something different. Perhaps yu could plan a different party and invite everyone.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 10:00 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • As a family we would all not go and like pp said I would probably create a party for all to attend.

    Answer by mom2priceboys at 10:02 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • Come on now... how upset will you be if your child accidentally ingests something that sends her into anphylactic shock... right there in front of all the other children? This is something that will affect every day of your life and it's not really fair to expect other people to shoulder the responsibility of caring for a child that might easily die if they make a mistake. I don't think halloween parties are a good idea anyway. You can have your own party at home and do all kinds of fun things where you know your children are safe and not learning bad habits, like eating junk food for weeks just because everybody else is doing it. Please don't take it personally. Find a safe way to share halloween with your children and build your own traditions, I've done it for years and we always have a wonderful time.

    Answer by Blabbermouth at 10:07 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • OH BOY! Would they hear it from me! You are hard is it to just tell everyone who is bringing things to not have any peanuts!!!!!

    Poor girl! I would boycott and they would know how angry I was as well!!!!

    Answer by mom2twobabes at 9:58 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • thats fucked up! nobody should go to that bitches party.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 9:58 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • If I was here I would raise hell about that. That is rude to invite a family then say oh wait you cant bring one of your children...If I were her I would still bring my DD with me. I would just make sure that I have stuff for her to eat and keep an eye on here with the food to make sure she dosnt grab anything that has those things in it. But that is just so rude i cant believe it!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:07 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • I agree with Blabbermouth. They could have said it nicely, that they had serious concerns having the allergic girl participating and sadly they didn't. But if you don't deal with this daily, it can be terrifying to others. Maybe they had her best interest at heart to keep her safe? Even if it's unfair. But in the end, I'd just skip the party entirely (both kids) and do my own thing. At some point, communication needs to be made about this allergy (bday parties, xmas parties, etc) so parents can feel comfy inviting her. They need to know she's got an epi pen ready and has her own snacks. Is she so allergic if she touches peanuts, she reacts?

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 10:13 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • I would not attend that party. period. I would find something or somewhere else to go and do. and even if I had a horrible time, the next time I saw this rude host I would boost about what a wonderful time we had at the other party and say "sorry we missed your  party, were going to stop by but time got away from us."


    Answer by northcarolinama at 10:04 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • I'd tell them what they could do with their little party, and I would ditch the group if they are so uncaring and ugly as that. That's cruel as heck to tell a kid their sibling can come but they aren't welcome.

    Answer by wenona_mandy at 10:15 PM on Oct. 19, 2010