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So I live with my Father Inlaw he is 65 years old and well he wont shower

We have lived in our new house like 2 weeks and he has showered one time and only changed his shirt than we can see, I offered to buy him deoderant and some men body spray but he says he dont use that stuff. My furniture is starting to stink and I can take it. I dont know what to do please help me.

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Asked by AbbeyKAy at 6:19 PM on Oct. 28, 2008 in Relationships

Level 11 (545 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • If it is your house, I would just tell him that the house rules are that you have to bathe and change your clothing x number of times a week, whatever you think would be appropriate for him to do. If your husband is present, I would have him usher your father-in-law to the shower, much as you would a child. Some older people get to where they don't feel the need to bathe or stay clean. This man is a little younger than most I have known. If he still refuses, you can tell him he will have to live somewhere else, either alone or where someone can make him bathe.

    Answer by NannyB. at 6:25 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • Humm? Any other strange things going on with him other than the shower bit?

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:29 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • I agree with the PP, but it does put you in an awkward position. Does he see a doctor regularly? If so maybe you could ask the doctor to speak with him about proper hygiene?

    Answer by kabbot01 at 6:30 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • That is a bit strange. Almost sounds like maybe it's a mental thing. Do you thing he's possibly going senile? Sorry if I spelled that wrong. But I agree with the above poster, tell him that he HAS to shower every single day. It's a house rule.

    Answer by feesharose at 6:45 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • The reason I asked about strange things is because Alzheimer’s loved ones are known not to want to take baths. They have a fear for them. Have a doctor check him out. Alzheimer’s can strike people as early as 50’ish.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:52 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • Have ya ever heard the one about the old can't teach him new tricks!

    I would not approach him about this at all. This is your husband father....he needs to speak with him. You are the in-law! We have a rule..."your family, your problem".

    Talk to hubby about a plan of action that will be most affective with him. He knows his Dad. This needs to be handled with the utmost respect and privacy. Carefully, tenderly and with Lots of love.

    You may find that no matter what ....he does not change.

    Plan B ...Furniture covers and Lysol.

    Answer by MommasCooCoo at 7:16 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • I would talk to his physician.. my dad had alzheimers and that was one of the issues that occurred in the early stages.. wearing clothes and not changing and not wanting to bathe. I hope that it's not the case in your situation, but the sooner you find out the better.

    Answer by bonn777 at 7:18 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • I assume your husband lives there? Let your husband know how uncomfortable you are with the odor and how your fil needs a talk about hygiene. I think it's reasonable to expect he is clean. Mention how much it will cost to keep your upholtery cleaned by a professional. Usually, the wallet speaks to my husband louder than my discomfort.

    Answer by manna1qd at 7:26 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • part 1
    my father is the same way as your father in law. he would walk around the neighborhood with just his underwear, rarely showered. pooped in the shower a couple of times and never ate anything but bananas and he refused to wear anything clean. this is just part of them getting old. i didn't have the energy to put into making him take the showers or eat anything that i made for the family. is there someone that he listens to or someone else that is willing to come help getting him showered etc.

    Answer by melody77 at 7:29 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • part 2
    my brother rarely came by but he would put my dad in the shower and would dress him but he would change back to his dirty need someone strong to make him do what he needs to do. maybe you can find the strength or someone in the family can teach you how. i think they like the attention of the poor man syndrome and no one but a strong person can make them do anything. when he lived with my sister in mexico she had him dressed and showered everyday. how she did it i don't know. so i guess i didn't help much. i agree he needs to be checked out cause i think he is going senile.

    Answer by melody77 at 7:29 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

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