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ok question time

ok i am marrie dwith two kids yet i feel like i do most of the work my husband goes to work when he comes home he jumps on a game or the computer and doesnt help i know he waorks and needs down time but what about me i never get down time not even at bed time cuz i have a 4month old baby that sometimes gets up at night but i mean he helps once in a great while but i still feel like im alone in the baby raising my husband am i get along fine we are very happy together i just think i need more help but he say i work i shouldnt have to do it is that far or should he help more i mean he helps as much as a dad would help if we werent together????????????

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:45 PM on Oct. 19, 2010 in Babies (0-12 months)

Answers (7)
  • This is an age-old dilemma, I'm afraid. My hubby and I are going thru the same thing, but we have just a 2 yr old and I'm due in Feb. with our 2nd. He BUSTS HIS BUTT for us and is gone from the house from 5am to about 8pm. He literally has time to eat dinner and go to bed again. He's NEVER had to get up in the middle of the night with our daughter. He's recently complained to me that i"m not meeting his needs of making sure dinner is ready & he's got clean, wrinkle-free clothes, and lunch the next day. Turns out his complaints were in my 1st trimester, when I was COMPLETELY EXHAUSTED from hormones and taking care of a 2 yr old, day and night. Now I'm 5 mo preggy and feeling great, things have been fine but yes, I agree - WHERE IS THE HELP?
    MamaLisa1976

    Answer by MamaLisa1976 at 10:53 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • Tell him that he will help raise the children, he helped make them. Just because you don't work doesn't mean he doesn't need to help. Tell him that you will stop washing his clothes, cooking for him, etc because your job is to raise the kids.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:53 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • o no i would b on his case about that he helped make them so he needs to help u, my husband works two jobs n still makes time to helpse if its not wit the kids hell do dishes or help with laundry so i can rest cus raising two boys is a full time job..or hell take them outside just so i can take a relaxing shower etc but talk to him cus its part of being married wit kids is to help u
    sandi_361

    Answer by sandi_361 at 10:55 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • I felt like this when my guy was little. I really thought it was going to bring me to our brink. But now that DS is bigger and I get more sleep it is getting better. My guy busts it too, just for us, at a job he absolutely hates. He hates it sooo much that you can't speak to him for at least 45 min after he gets home. So I do get little help from him. At least once a month I FORCE him to finish up a "honey do list" just so something gets done.

    But what you need to hear right now is, it gets better. It has to, and if it doesn't, maybe you need to reevauate yourself, your life, and your family. I stopped being pissed when I accepted being a housewife and realized that this mess was my job. Wasn't easy and I struggle daily--there are three baskets of laundry to be folded stacked on my couch as we speak.

    Remind him that he is a parent 24 hours a day. Over and over and over again. Maybe counseling...
    donnareedonLSD

    Answer by donnareedonLSD at 11:02 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • Even with my husband not working and me going to school full time, I still do the cooking and cleaning. Guys don't see what needs to be done, and definitely don't take initiative to do anything. He should at least do a couple of things, like take out the trash and such, but unfortunately, I think it's a fight we all have in our marriages. Guys have no idea how much we do in a given day, and how much we need a break, too!! Every wife I have talked to has had the same complaint. So while it doesn't help make stuff happen around the house, it is some consolation that I'm not alone in this. Ya know? If anyone has a solution that works, I think she could make a lot of money!
    musicpisces

    Answer by musicpisces at 11:11 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • This will really help and is what I do... Ask your husband an "either- or question." For example, "Honey, do you want to get the bottles or give the kids a bath?" That's a stumper and you'll see him kind of look confused for a second but he'll choose one, especially if you have one like, "Oh honey, junior just pooped! Can you change him or do you want to hold DD for awhile?" Guaranteed he will give you a break and hold your DD while you tend to your son's diaper! If you have only one child, it still works. You simply add another task that needs to be done. "Hun, can you grab the laundry out of the dryer or do you wanna give DS his bottle?" He won't want to get laundry so will feed the baby. I know it seems condescending, but it works. If he ever questions it, simply say, "Oh I can't do both, so you need to pick one." The more you do it the more they get used to it. :) Give it a try!
    carol2m2

    Answer by carol2m2 at 12:45 AM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • I totally understand. I've been there. What helped me resolve this a book and some serious and honest conversations which involved me crying from the pressure of it all and wishing he would pitch in or care to help. I read the book "Babyproofing your marriage" and it is so relatable to the situation. This book explains both sides of the story, what's going on in your mind and what's going on in your husbands. I read it and now my husband is reading it and understands that him pitching in means the world to me. I'm a lot less stressed because I feel like he really "gets me."
    MommyBird388

    Answer by MommyBird388 at 2:11 AM on Oct. 20, 2010

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