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3 Bumps

Daughters grandmother wanting to visit???

My daughter's father molested her when she 3 and she is now 8. He was ordered visit through CASA and they ended and he never pursued visitation. This was in the beginning of 2007. Her grandmother, his mother, contacted me a couple times but stopped. This also happened in 2007. She is know wanting to see my daughter after 3 almost 4 years. Part of me says yes because it is her grandmother and she has every right to know her but then part of me says no because of the memories it could bring back. What do you think?


Asked by Anonymous at 11:01 PM on Oct. 19, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I would let your daughter make the decision. If she says she wants to meet her grandmother I say let her, but also be on standby in case its harder for her than either of you thought, and let g-ma know that if daughter says its time for her to leave then she needs to go. Keep an eye on your daughter for a few days after to watch for any changes in habit or attitude indicating something bothering her that she may not want to bring up or even recognize herself.

    Answer by Skipo510 at 11:11 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • That's a very tough one....Maybe you should ask your DD. She may surprise you with her thoughts on the subject.

    Answer by dmbutler at 11:05 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • I think that the memories she can make with her grandmother are very important. The father did something very awful, but that is not a reason to deprive the child or the grandmother of a relationship.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 11:15 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • Your daughter is old enough to understand some things. Ask her and see what she remembers from 3 yrs ago. What was their relationship like back then?

    Answer by amessageofhope at 11:35 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • i would ask the daughter...but thats tough...every ounce of me wants to say ohh hellllll no..but..its not grandmas fault.... but at the same time it has been a few years....she couldve called..written letters..visited..SOMETHING..and i know with me, when it comes to my daughter, i dont let people come whenever its CONVIENIENT for them...they have to make consistent effort..and then and only then will i even consider it

    Answer by alexis_06 at 11:19 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • I would wait it out & see if the grandmother persues the want, then let your daughter know what shes asking

    Answer by My_o_me_x_3 at 11:20 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • i would ask the daughter what she thinks and if she wants to get to know her grandmother she is old enough to kind of know what she wants now

    Answer by momof4onesApup at 9:30 AM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • I agree with asking your daughter what she wants to do in this situation.

    Answer by Pnukey at 10:14 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • How was her relationship with the grandmother before everything happened? Have you asked your DD how she feels about seeing her? If she is in counseling, talking to her therapist about it is a good idea as well.

    Answer by Scuba at 9:17 AM on Oct. 22, 2010