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How do i tell her?

Ok so here is the deal...
My bfs dad is remarried. They have been together for 2yrs. He had two daughters pre. to them being together. Unfortunitly(SP?) One died at 3m and the other was stillborn. They are not her children she didnt even know them at the time.
My bf will not talk about it and he doesnt like to hear her talk about it but he is nice cause of his dad. He was 12 when it happened.
When my daughter was born all i heard was things about how he was so happy and that it would bring closure for him and everything was about his daughters.
I am tired of hearing things about those babies whenit is coming from someone who doesnt even know what happened or how it was for everyone.
I dont mind it if my bf or his dad were to talk about it but i dont think that it is her place to bring it up constantly.
i mean am i wrong?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:00 PM on Oct. 28, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • im on ur side.. she wasnt there its not her place to talk about the babies. Although if ur father in law feels that he wants to talk to it with her then its ok. If ur close with ur father in law talk to him and try to get him to understand where ur coming from and ask him to tell her to stop. not close to him talk to ur husband and have him talk to his dad or her about it
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:02 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • i completely agree with you. i think waht shes trying to do is be sympathetic to his father, and trying to let him know that she feels his pain. unfortunately it seems like shes over compensating. shes going too far with it. i dont think youre wrong. just explain to her that it upsets you, and you dont want your daughters life, to be only about anothers death
    Amanduhpanda

    Answer by Amanduhpanda at 7:08 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • oh yes i totally agree if he talks to her about it then who am i to stop it its his daughters but i just dont want to hear it. she makes me feel like my daughter and the one i am carrying are replacements or something.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:09 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • It is his wife, his life partner so perhaps he has shared a lot that you do not know. My dh has shared a lot with me about things that took place in his previous relationship, things about his interactions with his ex and the mess surrounding the conception of the kid and a bunch of other detials that really only him and his ex were privey to. I know a lot more than many of the people who were around at the time.
    Is she talking badly? I don't understand why it bothers you.
    PROGENITOR

    Answer by PROGENITOR at 7:10 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • Let her know that you don't like the comparision between your daughters and his late daughters.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:12 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • It sounds like she really cares about him and the pain he suffered as a result of losing two girls. His life is her business and I think her option to talk about since she is living a life with him. I understand how you would be sick of hearing about it but aren't you sick about hearing it from your bf and his father too? I would want my baby to be her own person and a reason to celebrate, regardless of the past. And I can imagine I would feel like they all consider her birth therapy. I don't want to put words in your mouth but that's what I am feeling for you kind of. I guess I would somehow have to express how much I want my daughter's birth to be a celebration of her life from now on and that what needs to be said is between you and your bf and between his father and his new wife, not an open discussion.
    manna1qd

    Answer by manna1qd at 7:15 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • it bothers me because like i said she acts like my daughters a replacements for them. and because it hurts my BF to hear it but he doesnt say anything out of respect for his dad. he has said things to me about it too but i dont go and tell everyone who will listen his business about it like she does.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:15 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • i would just tell her directly one day how you feel. just pull her aside and be nice and say that bringing up the babies hurts your hubby and how you would like it if she wouldn't. i'm sure that she would understand that. if she gets butt hurt you can't control her feelings and just let it ride out. i just don't get how noone on here can say anything to anyone. if you can tell her this then you are closing the gap that is between you now. people need to talk to each other to get to know each other. so this is touchy but jump in and just be yourself and have her know a piece of your mind. i don't think you telling her how you feel is in any way being disrespectful. your just being honest with her and yourself.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 7:50 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • What she is saying may be considered rude, but who are YOU to tell her what to say or talk about?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:04 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • I dont care if she talks about it to anyone else i dont think its right but im not going to stop her i just dont want her to talk about it around ME or MY KIDS.
    Thanks ladies.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:14 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

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