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i'm ashamed but not sure if i care anymore

ive posted a few questions about this... i live with my SO of over 3 yrs. he doesn't want to marry me- says i'm too fat & don't clean enuf. i have been seeing someone else- he seems to be in love with me. i am worried that things are moving too fast but at this point he has told me he wants to make me his wife. hasn't "popped the question" yet tho. & i told him i wont move in until winter is over so my SO has someone to watch SS( he's a snowplow driver) when he's working. My new BF has a date planned to marry me. next year. Am i just stupid to go for it ?- i figure what's the worst that can happen- i'm ready to be married & have someone appreciate me & love me. the bonus- my new BF has NO kids!!! & we just CLick so much more than anyone i've ever been with. i haven't told my family anything yet- how do i explain the switch ? all opinions welcome.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:00 PM on Oct. 28, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • leave the old relationship and move on to the one that loves you, but I wouldn't marry him so quick. Big bonus if he doesn't have any kids by other women.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:02 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • you have no obligation to watch a child that isn't yours and belongs to a man that won't marry you because of your weight. move on

    Answer by PROGENITOR at 7:03 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • I agree with the first two posters. If your new bf loves you and expresses interest in marrying you, why wait around? I know you're probably attached to your SS, but at the end of the day he is not your obligation. And to use your weight as an excuse not to marry you?? I would have been gone. Give the other guy an honest chance and move on from the jerk you're with now!

    Answer by KennsWifey at 7:06 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • You need to lose the SO and make a life for yourself, on your own. Why wait until Winter is over? Move out. SS is SO's problem. Don't be mean about it but don't put your life on hold for someone who isn't even nice to you. He will have to live his life without you. I don't recommend you move from SO to the BF without some period of being independant from both of them. Your BF could be sincere but he could also be stringing you alone. If you are strung along and you are out on your own, you will be able to survive. If your strung along and staying with SO, you're stuck after the Winter. Don't make the two issues (moving out and getting married) into one. They are not one.

    Answer by manna1qd at 7:10 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • Just do it. I'm married to my best friend of 6 years (been a couple for over 2 years, married for 1 year + 4 months). We ended up together b/c the guy I was with for a year prior (actually a mutual friend of ours) was a drug addict, cheating on me, lying to me constantly, and always accusing me of cheating on him with my now-husband. I finally got smart, left and moved in with my hubby a week later, and have never looked back.

    Answer by Kassey713 at 7:11 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • I agree with the poster who said leave but give yourself time ALONE. Date BF but don't move in with him yet. JMO.

    Answer by Jessy0419 at 7:32 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • what more evidence do you need to decide what you want in life. you want to be happy and married to some that wants you. i don't know if your rushing into another relationship sometimes you just know if someone is right for you right off the bat. i knew shortly after that my hubby was who i should be with. we got married less then a yr of knowing each other. about 9 months. wew ould of married sooner but wedding plans took over and the dates conflicted with other dates and such. we even moved the date up. if your not married then there is no obligation to explain anything to anyone but just saying. i decided i wanted to be happy and i'm happy here next to this man. don't live with him and move back home. get to know him better but cut the ties with your current bf asap. out of respect for everyone involved, including the new guy. he can't be happy with you living w bf.

    Answer by melody77 at 7:36 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • Leave your present BF. It's obvious that he is just using you. Also the longer you stay the more you will be attached to the SS. You have found someone who appears to love you for yourself, so leave the present one, you don't have to marry the new one the next day. You can live alone a while, get the first one out of your system and take the new one on equal terms.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:01 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • IK agree no obligation to take care of his son he can figure something else out. That is probably why he keeps you around anyway. Any man that puts your self esteem down all of the time is not worth your time. Move on. You could possibly ruin what you have with this other guy.

    Answer by LovinEveryDay at 8:12 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • I hope that him having no kids isn't the only bonus lol... Make sure you look at the big picture... I definitely dont think you should be with your current guy. Sounds like he is very degrading... Look at the big picture... Should you be with anyone, or wait while you figure out what you truly want. Marriage is final, and you do have a lot to lose if you go this way. I wish you the very best!

    Answer by LovinMyMikayla at 8:55 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

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