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I have a friend who is being hit by her husband almost daily....he just got out of jail a couple days ago for "DOMESTIC VIOLENCE"

He's on probation for domestic violence for 1 yr with approx 7 mos to go. Now that he is back out, he is angry that "she put him in jail". I have told her many times that she DIDN'T "put him in jail - HE DID" but like many battered women she feels guilty. He tells her he is taking their 3 mo old baby with him when his dad comes to move him back home and that she will come home from work one day to find him and their baby gone. He tells her that until his dad comes, he's filing "Federal kidnapping charges against her for holding HIM hostage in their home" and that "she will go to prison and never see their dd again". I told her that he wouldn't be able to seriously do that since both she AND HE are on the apt lease. She has no family or friends and I told her that when she works and needs a sitter I am here. She works - he doesn't. I told her not to worry about paying me, that she could maybe do light house keeping for me.....

 
Babylove76

Asked by Babylove76 at 6:36 AM on Oct. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Level 21 (10,227 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • OMG I just wanted to cry about him shooting her child in the face with a paintball gun! That is so incredibally aweful! why did she let him back in? Why did she not get a restraining order when he did that? Yes..she needs to get a restraining order NOW! Why is he still in her life? why did she let him back in after being in jail? I would let her stay in my home too. She needs to get away from that man! How sad! You are an angel for helping her!
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 8:10 AM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • Hell yes!!! He is threatening her. These threats are probably a violation of his probation as well.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 7:08 AM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • YES, & YES, meaning I think she should try to keep herself & child as far away from him as possible, he obviously has serious issues! It's also nice of you to try to help your friend out. Good luck to all of you!
    nicksmom604

    Answer by nicksmom604 at 8:01 AM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • You need to offer that your friend move in with you after she files a restraining order. She needs to file a police report against him, so that the police know that he is breaking his probation by putting his hands on her. Keep talking to her, keep being there for her, keep being her friend. She'll realize it soon enough, but it's great that you're there for her. You need to help her understand that SHE can protect her if she takes the right steps. On a day that you're babysitting you need to take her to the court and help her file for a restraining order and file a proper assult charges against him. Hold her hand and let her know that he will not win, with you by her side he cannot win. She has to be strong and she does not deserve the abuse.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 8:55 AM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • since I have trouble doing that with my physical limitations in trade. She's all for it and I have watched the baby a few times so it's worked out ok and my friend wants to do this. I think she should file for a restraining order for threatening to take the baby away from her and for endangering the baby when he hits her in front of the baby. He's on probation because my friend has another child who is 3 and he "accidentally" shot the 3 yr old in the face with a paint gun and point blank range. I know I can't make her do anything, I told her no matter what time it is, my side porch door is always unlocked - to just come in the house and use my dd's room for as long as she needs. Do you think she should file a restraining order?
    Babylove76

    Comment by Babylove76 (original poster) at 6:36 AM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • Not sure about me being an angel...but I have been there (I'm a DV survivor too!). She's young(23) and I know I made many of the mistakes she is e.g. buying his "tears of remorse in court", his promises to never hurt her again, etc only to have him come back and within 2 hours she has the cops at her door because of him screaming at her and her crying for him to get off her - the neighbors called. She and I live in the same apartment building, but opposite ends, so I cannot hear if something is going on. I know from my own experience that SHE has to make this choice to not stay with him, but with no other support than what little I can do by babysitting she feels he will win and that she has nothing to help her. I just want to encourage her to help her learn she is stronger than what he's made her feel she is: He tells her all the time "No one will want you" crap. Please pray for her and her children.....thank you!
    Babylove76

    Comment by Babylove76 (original poster) at 8:19 AM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • that's so sad he shot her child in the face..I'm sorry but the 1st question that comes to mind is why would she even want one more thing to do with him?? that could have killed her child..I can tell you what will aventually happen if she don't get out of this relationship she will lose her kids..because it's child endangerment so for her to stay makes her as guilty as him for letting her kids live in that situation..I understand she may be scared to leave but you as a friend need to be honest with her and make her face reality of things to come if she don't get this man out of her life...her kids will either be taken away or killed (I've heard alot about that here in Utah) so it's not impossible..ask her this how far will things need to go for that to happen? Probably not very far...I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but this is what will happen and maybe will force her to take that step and leave the man..
    chica679

    Answer by chica679 at 9:14 AM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • Thank you all for your advice and support for me. She is a very new friend - I just met her last Friday when she came knocking on my door shaking and crying uncontrollably. He'd just pinned her to the floor and was punching her. She told me this morning when she snuck over here that my DH "has something in his truck to get rid of" come to find out it's the baseball bat he uses to hit her or the walls - depending on her behavior. She is leaving him - I just don't know when. I will keep you posted - please please pray for strength for her!
    Babylove76

    Comment by Babylove76 (original poster) at 12:51 PM on Oct. 20, 2010