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what to do?!

My daughter started a new daycare about 3 months ago, and the transition has gone very well. However on and off lately she's telling me she doesn't want to talk about her day, then last night she got very emotional and told me that she's sad because the directors mother told her everyone dies. My 4 year old daughter told my husband and I, " I'm scared that everyone dies." Now I don't want to shelter my child, however my husband and I agree that death is a personal belief and should be addressed as a family at home. We have been dealing with my grandmother being ill for over the past year and my daughter has had lots of questions but is handling it well. The piece of this that really pushed me over the edge was the DD added, "Mrs X told us we can't tell mommy or daddy" What is that?! I know all kids lie at one time or another, but I cannot fathom DD coming up with that on her own. So my question is what would you do?

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Asked by LoveBuggsMommie at 7:06 AM on Oct. 20, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 17 (3,581 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • I would talk to the daycare and see what they say. If they really are talking to the children about things like this, then I would explain you do not want you DD involved in those conversations. Just make sure you DD didn't ask a question about death or something before you jump to conculsions. Also, try not to go in there ready to yell, it will not really get you anywhere and might make the situation worse.

    If you don't get the answers you want you can always start looking for another daycare.

    Good Luck!

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 7:12 AM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • probably someone's grandparent or someone died, and its been talked about in her class. kids will talk about anything with each other. if it bothers you that much, ask her teacher if someone has died, because your dd has mentioned death. its not a big deal, and i think she's plenty old enough to know about death. its not a 'belief', its inevitable. if she continues to ask or talk about it, you should take that as a big sign she's ready to grasp the concept of living and dying. if she doesn't mention it, then don't worry about it.
    if they are talking about something, chances are they already know more than you is the time to clear the air, if need be.

    Answer by dullscissors at 7:13 AM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • I know it's inevitable, but another daycare we had her in two little kids lost their mom, and we were given the heads up that's all I'm asking for. The way people handle death and what they think about it is a belief and that's why I want the whole story. With 4 year olds this could have happened a week ago when her mood swings did. If there are these conversations going on at school there is no excuse for not giving parents a heads up. Plus it's was by someone not even on staff, someone affiliated with the church that they rent from.
    As much as my initial reaction, particularly to the "you can't tell mommy or daddy" was to not even bring her to school today before I get a chance to speak to the director I don't want her to think anything is wrong especially around that she told me, and because she really loves her school. I won't yell, I know I just need to try to get more information

    Comment by LoveBuggsMommie (original poster) at 7:19 AM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • You need to bring this up with the daycare.
    If this is the case then you need to let them know it isn't appropriate and then share your beliefs on how the manner should be handled.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 8:46 AM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • Death is something you should be prepared to teach your child about, especially when your grandmother passes away. Don't sugar coat it, don't embellish the truth to make it easier. Children should hear the truth as it is. Make sure to tell them it's ok to be sad when someone dies, and it's ok to be sad that someone is sick, and might die, but it's better to hope that if someone is sick, they will get better. But I agree with you, it's not the daycare's responsibility to talk about it with your child. If a child brings it up in class, that child should be brought aside and it should be directed privately then parents should be notified that the topic has come up.

    Answer by BisketLiss at 8:51 AM on Oct. 20, 2010

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