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2 Bumps

conflict resolution

At times hubby and i get in minor tiffs. Majorly minor things. And his reaction is to stop talking to me for the rest of the evening and goes to bed mad at me. If I attempt to talk to him, even to say I am sorry. (Sometimes I say I am sorry even when I am not wrong) he gets pissed and says all I care about is me, he could care a less about resolving things and just wants to be left alone. Sure by the next day he is fine but we never resolve anything. He says he's perfectly fine this way and me trying to resolve things is me being selfish. So I'm confused. To me I feel terrible because one minute we are close and he is loving and caring and the next he disappears entirely (emotionally). He says he will not change and that I just have to deal with it. Am i selfish? Is it healthy for him to do this?

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:58 AM on Oct. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • Not resolving anything leads to a lot of built up tension & resentment. Although, if you fight about stupid things....those can usually be let go. It's the important things that need to get talked out. Maybe you guys should practice choosing your battles wisely. Some things just arent worth getting upset over.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 8:01 AM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • I believe some men or women just need space, but when I've taken a time for that it wasn't as he did understand, he wanted to "control that". In their minds they believe every thing is attached to being run by them. If they can't control or have influence by fixing some thing about a conflict it's automatically our fault because the can not fix arguments. Even in the bible it states that they (men) would rather go out on the rooftop and escape the torment of a ''nagging'' wife. But ......for that ONE line men will blanket speculate all their theories of how to blame the woman, and run from their apology, which in turn has nothing to do with her saying 100% of the time it's her sorry that's expected. He needs to FIX THAT

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:13 AM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • He's being a big baby, honestly. That behavior is that of a child.
    I understand getting mad enough at someone to where you don't want to talk to them, but saying it's "Selfish that you want to resolve things" is nonsense. You're not being selfish, he is, because he doesn't want to let his gaurd down to resolve the issue. He has a wall up protecting his pride, protecting his feelings for whatever reason. Which in turn pushes you away, because he refuses to be open with you. Eventually it'll catch up to him and you'll have enough of it and I don't think he realizes that. No one person should apologize 100% of the time, especially when they're not in the wrong. You're being the bigger person by trying to smooth things over and he's cowering in his room like a child. Honestly, I think he needs to wake up and realize that he is a big boy now. He can't handle situations by running away.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 8:33 AM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • I am like that too.I don't think it is healthy.It leaves stuff in your head that comes back later.I don't know how to change it though.

    Answer by evelynwest at 9:27 AM on Oct. 20, 2010

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