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Uh oh....now what?

Ok this might be kinda long, but I want everyone to get the whole picture. When I met my boyfriend, we were drunk at a party. Every time we hung out after that, was at a party, drunk. He seemed like the perfect guy [duh]. Well after awhile we started going on dates togeter [sober] and everything was still great! After 8 months of being together, I got pregnant. {not intentionally} I was very moody and emotional when I was pregnant and he was VERY distant. When I would cry he would tell me to grow up and get over myself, but after the baby was born, he was better. Now our son is 4.5 months old and he's getting that way again. We are having money problems and trying to move into a new apartment, out of my parents house and I don't think it's a good idea just yet, because if something bad happens, we are screwed. [Con't below]

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AidensMommy608

Asked by AidensMommy608 at 8:07 PM on Oct. 28, 2008 in Relationships

Level 6 (140 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • My parents are perfectly fine with us staying but he's set on moving out. Sometimes I just feel like my life is completely out of my control. He's not controlling or abusive but it seems like he's just not there emotionally, and I need that in a relationship. Everytime I try to talk to him he scoffs at me and tells me to get over it. He says it's my fault our relationship is bad because I lash out at him all the time but I'm so upset that he's never there for me I don't know what to do and it just happens!! We both work full time so we don't see eachother a whole lot and on our days off together I would like to do something but all he wants to do is play video games....or have sex. This is NOT my idea of spending time together. WHAT SHOULD I DO?? All opinions welcome. Sorry it was so long!
    AidensMommy608

    Answer by AidensMommy608 at 8:07 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • If you guys get your own place, be sure to put it in his name. It sounds like your relationship isnt going anywhere and if you guys move in together you dont want to be stuck. You can always go back home to your parents.
    Steph319

    Answer by Steph319 at 8:10 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • If things dont start to change quick then you need to consider staying at home and letting him do his own thing. Maybe the seperation will bring you guys back together GL
    Steph319

    Answer by Steph319 at 8:11 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • I believe that you had a whirlwind courtship that perhaps got way too serious, way too fast. I would suggest letting HIM move out and YOU stay at your moms. You can continue to date and be boyfriend/girlfriend. I think living separately would take some of the pressure off of the relationship and give you both a chance to "get to know" each other in a stress-free manner. It could strengthen your relationship tremendously or you could realize that he is not who you want to be with.

    AvasMommy810

    Answer by AvasMommy810 at 8:15 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • Ok, I like Avasmommy810's answer but then the question about our son comes up! I can not afford to live on my own [so I would stay with my mom] but what about him seeing our son? He always tells me that I can leave at any time but the baby is staying. I'm not even sure how that would work.
    AidensMommy608

    Answer by AidensMommy608 at 8:19 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • I agree dont move until you're ready financially but I wouldnt move in with him at all.
    If he wants to move he can do it on his own. He needs to be supportive. I had never had anyone as supportive as my husband and every relationship before him failed party because of that same reason. I was told by an ex crying makes you weak and after a while I believed it. I wouldnt cry for anything...not even over the death of a loved one! When I got pregnant with this baby I was emotional and started to cry one day (before I knew I was pregnant) and kept apologizing to my husband for crying and that I was being weak.
    LovinEveryDay

    Answer by LovinEveryDay at 8:25 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • He told me otherwise and held me until I felt better. He has gotten me to open up with crying. My husband an I have a very open relationship so we are always talking on ways to make things a little easier and better for us and our kids and never go to bed mad. I guess I am rambling now but my point is he is no good for you...or any other woman for that matter. He reminds me of that song "If I were a boy."
    LovinEveryDay

    Answer by LovinEveryDay at 8:25 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • You living with your mom and him living somewhere else doesn't mean he can't see the baby...nor does it mean that you and he couldn't potentially still be seeing each other as boyfriend/girlfriend. I agree that this could lead to much less stress and pressure for BOTH of you....because I can guarantee that he is feeling stress too, even though he might not let on.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:25 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C7x-UXjZpRM
    In case you have not hear that song...
    LovinEveryDay

    Answer by LovinEveryDay at 8:32 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • You're both still so young....I went through similar when I had my 8 year old daughter. I'm 34 and now married with 5 kids including two stepdaughters. Its' not easy...My son is 13 and we just pretty much just broke up during my 5 months preg...(we both 21 and still partying) my 8 year old we broke up soon after she was born (my hormones were out of wack and he just added more fuel to the fire instead of getting me help of some sort). Then I became a Christian. Now I'm married happy, but far from perfect. We have to pray and die to the flesh (christian term)...:) I surrender to God's will for help and he's faithful to come through. Try to get help...don't be so quick to leave..Men are not that way...as far as emotionally comforting all the time. Relationship takes work...ask anyone who has kept there's going. Don't give up. The grass is not greener on the other side.
    JCRestoredme

    Answer by JCRestoredme at 8:37 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

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