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We had a foster baby from 1 month old to first birthday.

We had a foster baby from 1 month old to first birthday. She was abruptly taken by CPS and placed in a relatives home. The last time we saw her was as she struggled to get away from th erelatives arms and reached out to us. We were unabl eto comfort her as they drove away as she cried for us. It has been 2 weeks. Does anyone have any ideas as to where she is emotionally? Does she remember us and is she confused?

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Asked by BellaRossa at 11:27 AM on Oct. 20, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 2 (9 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I'm sure she remembers you. Babies retain alot. She may even recognize your voice years down the road. This is heartbreaking to hear. Is there anything you can try to get her back? I don't believe CPS really even thinks of the children!

    Answer by Shanna84 at 11:29 AM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • I see this as just wrong! she has to be confused, but children adapt well, I am so sorry for this heartache!!!!

    Answer by older at 11:31 AM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • This is the main reason why I could never foster, unless I am planning on adopting the child.

    Answer by older at 11:32 AM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • Thank you for your kind words. Adoption was always a commitment for us. Her biological mother had her placed with us. I had ministered to her when she was on the street before the baby was born. This relative is on the bio dads side and waited until now to exercise her rights to keep her. The case was about to go into severance and adoption and we had already been asked if we wanted to adopt and of course we said yes. The judge awarded her to stay in our home but left visitation with the possible placement (relative) until next hearing date. Relative came to visit and took her and has not returned her.

    You are correct about CPS. I am convinced that you would almost have to not like children to do waht they do. Their take on the situation is she was going to be placed there anyway so they are expediting the process. We are talking to anyone that listens and are commited to getting her back.

    Comment by BellaRossa (original poster) at 11:45 AM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • Oh my goodness! She is sadly most likely still upset! When my husband an dI split up two yrs ago my baby daughter was sad for a long while. :( But she may be happy while she plays and such too. This is so sad and I truly hope what is best for the baby happens.

    Answer by Memigen at 12:08 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • I'm so sorry :(

    Answer by BeautyFromPain at 1:05 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • I'm so sorry to hear your story, I know you miss her terribly and she mises you as well. Its going to take her time to get used to her new surroundings, but she definitely still remembers you, babies don't forget just like that.

    That being said...I'm not sure where you live, but do you know if you have any rights to her legally? Don't the biological parents have to abandon their parental rights to her (or have them terminated by the courts)? Because I know in a lot of states, the foster parents don't have any legal claims to a child that still have legal parental ties to the biological parents.

    This is why I think I would have a hard time being a foster parent...getting too attached to a child that isn't mine then having to give that child back.

    Answer by .Peaches. at 2:32 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • I am also a foster parent. I cannot believe the bio family doesn't want to make the transition easier on that poor baby. They are showing that they are not capable of putting that child's best interest first. :( I was wondering if you have any way to contact them and if any discussions had come up where they would allow you to remain in some type of contact. Are you in close proximity to where she is now? Of course she still remembers you and will be terribly sad on and off. You were there to comfort her for quite some time. I am sorry for your abrupt loss and I hope those family members come to their senses soon. And don't get me started on Family Services, etc. What a mess they are in so many cases!


    Answer by love2snorkel70 at 1:24 AM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • Is there anything that judge can do? I'd try to figure out how the relative can be watched to make sure the child is happy. Do you have a case worker you can contact?

    Answer by _Tam_ at 10:03 AM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • We talked to everyone who would listen and came out empty. Everyone involved said the same thing "we need to process the file", "she should be with relatives", quack quack quack. And as peaches stated anyone that does this is not for children.
    So we hired a private investigator. Of course as we suspected, this person came out with drug arrests and husband #1 divorced her due to infidelity and physical abuse of their children which he got custody of. There are witness affidavits in court files documenting the abuse. She broke the arm of her 1 year old.
    After that husband she moved on with the boyfriend a repeat drug and assault offender. When he went to prison she married another with same flaws. The boyfriend currently lives with her. Not sure how it will play out since this information is old. Today we go to court and present evidence.

    Comment by BellaRossa (original poster) at 9:13 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

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