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How to you move on after marriage?

Well it's been a week since I poured my heart out to my husband about how we let our marriage go. I want to fix it but obviously he doesn't he refuses to speak to me. He e-mails he's mom and sister all the time but not me. He hasn't even asked how our kids are doing. He blamed all of our problems on me. I admit I probably withdrew a bit because of the way he treated me. I was so tired of fighting this marriage by myself that I stopped trying. For the past 1 1/2 years I've been trying to get him to open back up to me but he just shuts me out. I got done trying. Now with him not speaking to me and refusing to say it's OUR problems I know this marriage is over. I'm tired of fighting a losing battle.
How do you move on when you still love that person. I love him but I can't handle it anymore. He refuses to get help, refuses to work out our issues. He left a whole in my heart and he doesn't even care.

 
mommy_of_two388

Asked by mommy_of_two388 at 1:37 PM on Oct. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Level 43 (154,356 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • You seek counseling to help repair you. Stop trying to repair everyone else, including him. Start focusing on you and healing yourself.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 1:39 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • I went through almost 2 yrs of not knowing if my ex wanted to even be in the same room with me, let alone still married. I bent over backwards to do EVERYTHING that I could to save it. As time went on with no help from him, I started to get to know ME again. I had a lot of conversations with myself and learned to LOVE MYSELF!
    While mine had some to do with another person possibly involved, there was also lack of communication, lack of respect, lack of honesty and lots of other things. What really put the nail on the head was the lack of trust and honesty. I learned within that time that I could never trust anything that he said or did and without that, you have no relationship.
    @ Mommy of Two - you dont really say what it is that is lacking. Just that "the marriage was let go". That can mean a lot of things.
    MrsDAP

    Answer by MrsDAP at 1:55 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • I dont know if this makes sense, but
    YOU LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF MORE!
    MrsDAP

    Answer by MrsDAP at 1:40 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • I've been there. In a very similar situation, but as I've learned recently the only thing that heals is time. Things that helped me was focusing as much of my energy as possible on my kids. You can start a new hobby, go back to work, or back to school. While doing all these extra things though, don't forget to find someone you can talk to. The first person you want to talk to is your spouse, but they aren't there anymore. You have to find someone you trust, whether its a friend, family, or even a therapist. You have to talk it out.
    AdoreMaFamille

    Answer by AdoreMaFamille at 1:42 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • I would love to invite you. I am in the same boat with 3kids. I just kinna give up and did the cousling and that did not work. But I think I do not love him anymore. I am with him cause no job, no income. You have to do what is right for you and your kids. I know my is being in the no talking mood and I just let him be. Just remember it takes two and not just one when a marriage goes sour. I have long stories to share and maybe I can be there for you. I am doing this alone and with no friends and even does not really give good advice except talking. Does not work cause goes back to the same thing. Maybe we could help each other out. I am on everyday so would be there for you. I get emails and I answer. Just try to get through one day at a time.
    momindiana

    Answer by momindiana at 1:46 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • Wow with this question and these answers I have found so much in common in what is going on in my life right now. I love my husband with all of my heart but I do not trust him or believe alot of things that he tells me. I think he has cheated and may be still cheating but I want so bad not to believe this is true. I want to save my marriage. It is very difficult and so depressing! Good Luck to you I hope that you can get to the bottom of this and he will realize what a good thing he is losing!
    Darla47

    Answer by Darla47 at 3:12 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • WHAT YOU DO IS HAVE FAITH IN GOD TO BEGIN WITH,MAKE SURE YOU TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND THEN YOUR CHILDREN. IF YOU CANNOT BE HAPPY FOR YOU THEN NO ONE ELSE CAN EITHER. YOU BELIVE IN YOURSELF AND OUR SAVIOR THE REAL WAY (JUST PRAY AND BELIEVE) THEN YOU WILL MAKE IT. AND IM A MOTHER OF THREE AND NOT MARRIED. MY CHILDREN COME FIRST AND GOD, THEN ME.I AM THANKFUL FOR EVERYDAY I WAKE UP.IT IS HARD JUST BELIEVE AND DO NOT EVER GIVE UP.
    heather487

    Answer by heather487 at 1:45 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • MrsDAP


     


    Everything was let go to make marriage work. Love Trust, Communication Touch. He betrayed me while I was pregnant with our son and I never was able to trust him fully. I always find myself wanting to check his e-mails. All he wants is sex and things I dont feel comfortable doing and he freaks about in instead of compromise. I want to feel loved I just want him to hold me just once because he wants to know because I asked. I like sex just as much as the next person but I need more then that. He doesn't open up or talk to me. He avoids all our issues and thinks they will just go away.

    mommy_of_two388

    Comment by mommy_of_two388 (original poster) at 1:59 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • Most men will not open up and talk and most will also avoid issues at any costs that will in any way make them feel to be blamed. Have you tried to have a "date night"? Maybe just go out for a light dinner, take a walk and then get some ice cream. In conversation, try not to say, "You always, You dont, You never" and so forth. Using words like these will always make the other feel lesser of a person.
    I feel so bad that you are going through this and struggling. Only you can ultimately decide how much you can and cant take.
    .
    I started a book.... when I get home, I will look it up and post the title of it here. It really makes you go, "hmmm I never knew that", but it totally makes sense.
    MrsDAP

    Answer by MrsDAP at 3:36 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

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