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what is it going to take to be a mom instead of a friend to a 11yr old girl

I am easy going open mined and its the fact that when she is with her dad its like two diffrent kids she mind does chores with me its a repeat nagging to get anything out of her,

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Majek S.

Asked by Majek S. at 1:38 PM on Oct. 20, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • If nagging works then so be it.
    older

    Answer by older at 1:40 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • You start acting like an adult. Looking at your picture, you are not. I don't know alot about you, but it looks as though you might be trying to relive your childhood. As an adult, she can respect you... that picture shows that you demand no respect for yourself.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:42 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • wow! anon, all that from an avatar??? just wow!!!!!!!!!!!!
    older

    Answer by older at 1:43 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • Don't be so jealous anon...Whats wrong with being a hot mother? WHAT if it isnt even her? JUST A PICTURE..silly silly goose you are....
    ryanlynn

    Answer by ryanlynn at 1:53 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • Everyone is entitled to their opinion I guess, but the anon poster is just making assumptions based off of a picture and that seems a little ignorant to me. Anyway...Perhaps you should be more consistent with discipline. Take away her privileges if she doesn't comply etc. It might be hard at first, but just keep at it. It might also help if you could have dad talk to her about respecting her mother. Since she listens to him, she may take what he has to say in consideration. I take it you're divorced? I don't know if he would be willing to do that or not, but it may help. GL
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 7:33 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • Anon is just having her/his kind of fun. Ignore it.
    You want her to take you serious. Set expectations and follow through. Be consistent. Be fair but consistent.
    Don't give up. Remember keep up keeping up.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 10:09 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • First you stop thinking of her as a friend and start thinking of her as a kid.  You're the adult, things don't have to be "fair" between you.  She does what you say and you enforce it.  If she doesn't do what she is told to do she gets grounded until she does it.  She'll probably say she hates you and that you're being mean.  You're not.  You're being a mother.  They don't have to like you.  Heck, when my kids are yelling that I'm mean and they hate me it probably means I'm doing a good job (it's always because I told them to clean up a mess THEY made, I'm not their freaking maid).  I'm not my kids' BFF, nor do I want to be.  They have friends their own age.  I'm their mother, it's my job to teach them to be responsible, productive members of society.

    justanotherjen

    Answer by justanotherjen at 10:03 AM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • I have a 12 yr old and I have the same problem sometimes. What I have been learning from other moms and Dr. Phil (lol) is that we have to stop worrying about making our kids mad. When I was growing up, my mom would always say "I want to be your friend, but I have to be your mother". It's our job to make decisions for our kids and not hold back b/c we're afraid they won't like us - Of course they'll hate us! That means we are doing our job. I have a great relationship with my mom now, and I have had many a screaming match with her growing up through my teen years. At that time, I didn't know what was best for me and She did... Kids and teens do not fully understand consequences for their actions. This part of the brain is the last to develop (in the frontal lobe), taking up to age 25 to complete. They won't understand until they grow up and have kids and no sooner. They'll get over it and love us again one day :)
    msbcpdh

    Answer by msbcpdh at 2:00 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • I had this same problem. I had to stop worrying about whether or not my daughter liked me, and demand that she respect me and allow her to dislike me and to get angry at me....it's not easy, but you can do it, Mama.....
    Anna92464

    Answer by Anna92464 at 10:49 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

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