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Why is it....?

Why does it always seem like it's the Amom that gets bashed when a question is asked? I just read a comment about 'adoption is only great & wonderful for the amom"...I would think that foster care adoption would be 'great & wonderful' for the child! It's not the Aparents' fault that the Bmom/dad couldn't get there act together and get there kid back!! And if someone CHOOSES to put there child up for adoption...why is that the Aparents' fault??

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LizClara

Asked by LizClara at 9:31 PM on Oct. 28, 2008 in Adoption

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Answers (33)
  • Continued....
    Yes, maybe some bmoms did make a mistake putting there child up for adoption, but that does not mean that the Aparents should be held accountable for that. They have taken this child and loved and cherished it....I just don't get why people get on here and talk about how awful Aparents are for adopting or not having feelings for the Bparents! I say unless you have walked in an Aparent's shoes, you have no right to judge us!! Any other Amoms feel like that?
    LizClara

    Answer by LizClara at 9:31 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • that is a rediculous thing to say!!
    I'm sorry people treat adoptive parents that way, that's just ignorant. Being able to adopt, and beign adopted, especially into a loving home, is a blessing. I can't understand why some people would say that adoptive parents don't have feelings for birth parents. Hello?? the birth parent is the one giving the child up!! And yes, I COMPLETELY understand how hard that can be. As I'm sure a lot of adoptive parents understand.
    mrseum

    Answer by mrseum at 9:45 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • I agree. It seems like there's a lot of bashing adoptive parents, like we want to take someone's kids away from them!! I Used to think that it was one of the most loving things a family can do, but now I am seriously having second thoughts!! If a birthmom regrets her decision later, I don't want her to blame me.
    christyg

    Answer by christyg at 10:07 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • Christyg~
    If a birth mom regrets her decision later, she only has herself to blame!! Don't let that sway your decision. It is truely a wonderful thing for any child. They might be curious about their parents later on, but as long as you give them a loving, stable environment, they're always going to love you and thank you for that, especially when they're old enough to understand that their bio parents probably gave them up because they couldn't give them that themselves.
    mrseum

    Answer by mrseum at 10:15 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • THANK YOU!!!

    It's not the AParents fault. I think it's just someone to blame and because the AParents usually are the ones that are thrilled by the arrangement and the BParents are not, so obviously they are to blame, they did something wrong, they were not honest, they are paying into the agencies that "force" BMoms into relinquishing custody, etc., etc., etc.

    It's ridiculous and quite sad actually!!
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 10:33 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • I'm confused - where are people saying this? Here in the Q&A section or somewhere else?

    Birth moms and adoptees who are expressing their feelings about their aspect of the adoption triad may want to talk about feelings of grief and loss and I know sometimes that gets misconstrued as bashing adoptive parents. I guess that when you are in pain and you are passionate about having the other side of the coin represented so that others considering adoption are informed it can be hard to hear. But, again I haven't seen any outright ties to bashing particular adoptive parents (maybe I'm missing them).
    PortAngeles1969

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 11:06 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • "It's not the Aparents' fault that the Bmom/dad couldn't get there act together and get there kid back!! " You're obviously talking about Foster Adoption here. The fact that Foster Adoption and Infant Adoption, where a mother willingly give up her rights, are discussed under the same "Adoption" umbrella is where the problems occur. Can I also point out "couldn't get their act together" could be construed as bashing.

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 2:39 AM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • Another thing I've noticed is that there are moms who regularly answer here but belong to none of the many adoption groups. I wonder how far they go to try to educate themselves on adoption issues and feelings.

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 2:41 AM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • Yes Foster Adoption is great for the child, but regular infant adoption can be devistating for the child. There are several Adoptee Supports groups throughout the nation and numerous books written by adoptees to help each other with their adoptoin issues. Just google Adoptee Support and you'll find several sites run by adoptees. To your point though the Adoptive Parents are blameless in Adoptee Issues (you can google that too), it's the act of being relinquished, rejected, abandoned, however you want to put it, by their birth parents that causes the trauma.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 2:50 AM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • The aparents are not bashed for the act of adopting. It's the lack of compassion for the birth family and the effect on the adoptee that they are bashed for. For dismissing the birth mothers feelings. For example "the birth parent is the one giving the child up!!' "If a birth mom regrets her decision later, she only has herself to blame!!" "their bio parents probably gave them up because they couldn't give them that themselves. "


     "It's not the AParents fault. I think it's just someone to blame and because the AParents usually are the ones that are thrilled by the arrangement and the BParents are not, so obviously they are to blame, they did something wrong, they were not honest, they are paying into the agencies that "force" BMoms into relinquishing custody, etc., etc., etc. It's ridiculous and quite sad actually!! "


    That last one especially "hello!"

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 2:57 AM on Oct. 29, 2008

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