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My 6-year-old DD is getting increasingly defiant and disrespectful...

I am not sure how to deal with her. I do time outs and taking away privileges. She only does it to me and the husband, not at school or anywhere else. She is a moody child to begin with, but I am just afraid that this is getting out of control. If she is upset or embarassed because of being reprimanded about something menial even, she will take it out on her friend who may be sittign right next to her. She will just start staying mean things and saying she doesn't want to be her friend anymore and so on. I just don't know what to do at this point. I need to nip it in the bud before it becomes worse.

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Asked by rachenos at 9:59 PM on Oct. 28, 2008 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (8)
  • She does it to you and your husband because she has learned how far she can push you and knows what she can get away with. You just have to continue with the punishments and make sure you follow through with them until the end. She is six so she is old enough to be sent to her room without priveleges for a longer amount of time. I don't know if you are against spanking - but a good firm spanking works wonders. Just don't back down - eventually she will come around.

    Answer by janie-o at 12:20 AM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • My daughter is strong willed and it drives me crazy.I found out that strong willed aren't good at decision making and they are emotional--moody,easily angered,bossy and defiant.Well daddy is all those things,so I shouldn't be too surprised.What about you are you like your daughter?I'm kinda like her,I can be strong willed,stubborn and defiant when I want to be.I think knowing this is easier for me to understand her better,because I need alot of support these days.It's awful how she treats me and like you said,she doesn't act this way with others.Time-out's facing a plain wall works the best for me but she neds me to explain to her why she's on time-out.i think she knows at first but gets so emotional and angry she forgets.

    Answer by countingsparows at 1:45 AM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • My daughter is a only and is 6.I think alot of her attitude is from being a little spoiled and getting alot of attention.She;s very keen and aware of things and likes to get involved with our adult conversations.She is bright and creative and has some good qualites.Know what yours is so you can appreciate her more.Don't mean to preach but this has helped me..Can you send me a message?i would like to talk to you more.

    Answer by countingsparows at 1:49 AM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • My daughter is strong-willed, a lot like me. Her and I butt heads quite often for this reason. She feels like it should be her way ALWAYS. I have given in many times when I shouldn't out of guilt or to just quite her down for the time being. I know this was not the way to do things, and now look at what I am dealing with. I may just have to stay strict with her and start saying no a lot more.

    I do not believe in spanking, so I will stick with following through with consequences and maybe try to spend some more one-on-one time with her.

    I appreciate everybody's input. Thank you!

    Answer by rachenos at 8:26 AM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • we have an 8yo that was the same i did everything i could think of, what i reilized is that she's growing up ya know she's trying to find her "way" a 6yo in my day was totally diff than they are today. I just sat her down & taught her the golden rule dear, i did this about 50x she finally got it.
    She has to understand that little tounge is like a sword, & too when her emotions get the better of her SHE has to find a better way of dealing with them it's not fair to you her friends or herself,
    good luck

    Answer by tntornado45 at 10:44 AM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • she is taking out on you all pent up frustration from a long day at school. She feels safe at home and that's why it comes out there. This doesn't make it okay but it does help to understand the cause. Talking, time outs, and consistency should help. no treats, always follow through. I notice problems like your daughter has often in reg schooled kids. Hope you see some improvement soon.
    Happy to say we homeschool, so even though we have our moments like the ones you are having, they are fewer and easier to nip in the bud. Sometimes my 6yr old just needs a nap. Anther thing that we couldn't do if we didn't homeschool.

    Answer by Lynette at 11:53 AM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • make sure that both you and tour DH respond to her behavior in exactly the same way....eliminate the possibility of her playing you against one another.

    Answer by Kimebs at 3:09 PM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • I have to say that I have been where you are and am still dealing with these issues with my 6 y.o. son it's been going on for well over a year. Nothing seems to work with this child! He is so good at school and people always comment about what a kind little boy he is. INot only is he defiant and talks back he has to complain about EVERYTHING before he turns around to complete a task. It's like he can't do anything without a negative comment first. Is this part of his personality? I don't get it. It's very frustrating because he doesn't do it to anyone else but his dad and I and his one grandma who takes care of him sometimes.

    I don't really have anything profound to say other than if there are others out there who have been dealing with it for this long what are you doing about it now. WHAT REALLY WORKS? I am at my wits end.

    Answer by Mommy-Jenn at 1:11 PM on Nov. 17, 2008

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