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3 Bumps

Finding the truth...

When my husband and I first got together I specifically asked him if he had ever had sex, had oral sex, or any other sort of sexual act. He told me no. The first time I had recieved contradicting information I just blew it off and thought that the source was not reliable. However, two and a half years later I heard the same rumor. It is not the fact that he slept with this girl before me, the problem is that he possibly lied about it. I straight up asked him for the truth when I heard it the second time (from his sister). He denied it. So what else do I do? This is really bothering me so I am wondering how else I can find out without confronting or upsetting the girl that it was supposedly with. This is something that I can not simply leave in the past, it bothers me too much.


Asked by Anonymous at 3:53 PM on Oct. 20, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • If it's bothering you, then keep asking. I wouldn't stop until I found the truth.

    But, at the same time, it's his past. I would just let it go. He's a guy, it's very hard to find a guy who was/is a virgin when you meet them anyways.

    Just let his past be his past. Maybe he's trying to cover it up because he wants to start fresh, wants to think of you as his first with everything.

    Answer by AtHomeMommy-3 at 3:58 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • Perhaps he thinks the truth WILL bother you? Or maybe he IS telling the truth and your sources are NOT... rumors are never to be believed. Here's what you do...but ONLY if YOU yourself will be telling the truth with the statement below:

    "Honey, your sister is telling me this. I honestly DO NOT CARE if you had a sexual past before me. As long as you didn't catch a disease, it DOES NOT MATTER. But it DOES matter to me to know whether I can believe the things you say. If your sister has lied, then we will write her off. If YOU have lied, then we need to make a pact NOW to be 100% honest with each other about EVERYTHING. We can't change the past but we CAN change the future."

    But this ONLY works if you don't care WHAT the answer is, only that you know the truth.

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:03 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • May I ask.

    Which is the issue weighing on your mind.,....

    1) that he may have had some form of sex/participated in some sex act before he ever met you


    2) that he may have lied about having had sex/participated in some sex act before he met you

    Answer by pixie_trix at 3:57 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • he may feel like there is no right answer, which is not an excuse to lie, but the fact that you asked him such a question would lead me to believe that at the time it was an important issue to you and he knew that... why his sister is so involved in his sex life to know more than you is beyond me, but really maybe you should just let him know how you feel and that you have doubts and then let it go... it just seems like no matter what the answer you are going to have an issue with him...

    Answer by figaro8895 at 4:19 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • Realize that you may never get the real answer you are looking for. And why don't you believe your husband? IF he told you NO, why are you listening to rumors?

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 3:59 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • you husband is stuck behind a rock and a hard place right now-yeah perhaps he lied to you when you were FIRST dating-he wanted to impress you or he didn't want to scare you away or maybe he was embarrassed that it ever happened, whatever reason he was. I just don't see why it is bothering you now. He married you and marriage trumps losing virginity. He loves you and what happened before he met you should be left in the past-let him have his past without drudging it up and turning it into a terrible memory-besides he probably never ever thinks about this girl so why do you want to remind him of her.

    Answer by AshleyBishop06 at 6:39 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • i don't get it ;;; i know u are mad he may be lying but if u are mad about him being with another chick before u get over it, its 2010. sex is lovely and natural.

    Answer by maya123 at 11:23 PM on Oct. 20, 2010