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To tell or not to tell... (would make a great soap opera)

My mom told my older 1/2 brother, Al, and I a long time ago that she put a son, Ray, up for adoption. He was 2 yr older than Al. She wouldn't really help us find Ray though. She would lie and give us contradictory info. One day, I discovered Sue, on the internet. She was looking for her birthmom (my mom). Turns out, she was the baby my mom put up for adoption. Mom had lied about it being a boy, about it having a medical condition, etc. From what Sue has learned, her dad was horrible and mean and my mom ran away from him, leaving Sue with him... but this is only what she heard... she has no idea if that was the truth. I also discovered my mom was married twice more than we even knew about (she's been married 6 times all together).

Answer Question

Asked by inthepit at 4:32 PM on Oct. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Level 9 (322 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I told my mom that I knew about Sue. Mom freaked out, said she would kill herself, run away, etc if I told anyone. I promised to keep the secret. Flashforward 3 or 4 years & my mom might be dying. Do I tell my brother in time for him to ask mom about it even though I know that she will probably lie about it all anyway. Or do I wait till after she is dead since that is what I promised? But that would probably leave Al with all kinds of questions and angry that he never had a chance to talk to mom about it.

    Comment by inthepit (original poster) at 4:33 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • Both my mom and brother are compulsive liars. They are manipulative and mean. I cut both of them out of my life for years. Only since having the kids have I started having contact with my mother again and it's mainly through email. They live 4 states away. I feel sorry for Sue who really wanted to connect with mom and any family she could find. She doesn't have a whole lot of family either. I still haven't met her in person because well... I am really afraid that she's cut from the same mold that my mom and brother are and I don't want anymore of that in my life. I know I should probably give her a chance though. Anyhow, what would you do? Tell Al or not?
    P.S. All names changed to protect the guilty.

    Comment by inthepit (original poster) at 4:33 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • Why would you tell him? I honestly do not think this is something that he needs to know. If your mom is just going to lie about it then what would be the point. I would tell him after she passes away. And give your new found sister a chance.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:37 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • sell the story to hollywood.... cash in and put the money towards your childrens college.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:43 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • Wait until she's dead. If your brother isn't a good person either I really don't see the point of giving him an opportunity to harass your dying mother.

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 4:44 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • I like the idea to sell the story... lol. I guess my reason for telling my brother would be because if I was in his place I would really want to know (even though his past behavior should cancel out any sympathy I have for him).

    And I guess I think that maybe if he knew and confronted her about it, she might agree to meet the sister, who I know really wants to meet my mom. It's all a lot of guessing though.

    And... what happens if my mom doesn't end up passing away? The doctors aren't hopeful, but she's a tough old gal. She may hold on for years. Blah.

    Comment by inthepit (original poster) at 4:54 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • I think maybe you need to just leave your mom out of it. There has to be a reason she didn't want you to find her, or contact her. Perhaps the relationship was horrible, and ruined her life. If someone isn't giving you the right info, then that should have been a red flag, and you should have thought a little more about what you were doing. 


    Answer by Punky_1981 at 6:26 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • i would tell brother and he could do what ever he wants with the info i would not care. i would not ask mom anymore questions or make any further comments about sue to her because she can't be trusted anyway. i would definately give your half sister a chance though,she might be the total opposite of mom and who knows you 2 could build a great relationship.

    Answer by maya123 at 11:14 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

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