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2 Bumps

When will the emotions of an adoption sink in?

My due date is February 27 2011. I am having a baby boy. I have picked out a couple who can not have kids and they are both very swell. I realise its not the best to let someone you know adopt your baby but the soon2be mommy is my old manager from where I and she use to work. Before she left I told her I was looking towards adoption, she said she had been looking to adopt. So during the time of the 1st month to the 3rd month i thought about it. and at 3months I asked her to adopt the baby. things are going to be very easy cause we have agreed upon everything. Its going to be open, but she wants the baby to know who i am. Just christmas and birthdays, not every other weekend. So I am pretty okay with this as is she. I have been calm thru this entire thing.. We went to find out I am having a boy. and after i got back home I started to think when is the heart ache going to become reality. When will i feel the emotions....

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mommyrebecca

Asked by mommyrebecca at 5:47 PM on Oct. 20, 2010 in Adoption

Level 4 (39 Credits)
Answers (23)
  • If you haved agreed on an open adoption I would make sure you get everything you have agreed on in writing. I'm sure it will be hard on everyone involved I would hate to see it not work out as planned.
    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 5:49 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • Honestly, I think you'll probably experience some emotions once the baby is born, and it comes time to give him to his new parents... You'd have to have a heart of stone not to feel SOMETHING, you know? But if you are sure this is the right thing to do, and you know you are giving your son a better life than you could give him, that should pull you through... Good luck :)
    Anouck

    Answer by Anouck at 5:55 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • It is not unusual for a type of numbness to set in.It is your mind going into a protective mode.Just want to tell you the PAP should be agreeing to your wishes not you accepting less.She wants YOUR baby.Also realize that she is already limiting contact.She may keep to the plan or she may not.Once she adopts your son she is legally within her rights to completely close the adoption and you haven't any recourse.As you think about your adoption plan try thinking for awhile as if it will be closed .If you still want to relinquish then you are prepared otherwise you might want to rethink your plan.

    drfink

    Answer by drfink at 6:10 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • If you decide to go through with this (and you can still change your mind), be aware that her agreement to keep the adoption open is not legally binding. Do you know that she will keep her word?

    I send pictures and update letters to both of my kids' birth moms every two to three months. She could even e-mail them to you. That is not much to ask. Are you sure you're okay with such limited contact?

    This is your decision, but make sure you look at all of your options and really think it through. If you would like to hear often how your baby is doing, that is a very reasonable request.
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 7:36 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • You are numb right now. Just from experience, I'm gonna warn you. When it hit's it HITS!! That is the worst I have ever felt in my entire life. I could have died and been okay with it. Your body is making you numb as a defense mechanism. Make sure you have a support group. And make sure you aren't just telling yourself you can't parent when you could. I had nowhere to live, I was alone, and I made it this last time. It made me regret my decision more based on the fact I pretty much told myself I couldn't parent, and I managed in an even worse situation. I'm okay today. But it hasn't been easy. Just make sure you understand everything you are doing.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:44 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • It could happen at any point. I'm thinking it possibly could happen right after birth. Just remember this: It's not a done deal. There are laws that prevent you from signing for a certain amount of time for a reason: because there's a good chance your baby wont seem real to you until you're holding him in your arms. And, if you're not sure up until that time has expired, take more time, there's NO time limit on how long you have to make up your mind. No law says you have to give up your baby just because you've considered it. Only make your choice when your sure. (I don't call it changing your mind because that assumes it's a done deal and that's what the laws are there to protect you from.)

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 7:56 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • Her request was that the baby and I know who each other are. She and her fiance both agree its best that the baby knows who I am so that when he gets older he wont be upset or confused. I was adopted as well but I was told when I was 4yo but I had the luxzury of my dad walking in and out on me. That sounds bad but to me at 4 i was happy to know i had two dads who loved me and a mom that never left.
    Well I am 19yrs old, still trying to finish HS, and have bad anger issues. My 2yr old had a check up and dr found a bruise that I left from grabbing his arm. I didnt want to lose my son or hurt him again. so i asked his dad to take care of him while I do therapy and anger management. He agreed so my son no longer lives with me but visits every 2wks for a few days to a week at a time then back to his dads. I cant keep a job bc I have had depression and no matter how happy i look, depression still shows. thats y i chose adoption...
    mommyrebecca

    Comment by mommyrebecca (original poster) at 8:02 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • ....I feel this is best for my second son and this is best for me. I know I can mother a child with no problem. I have a place and about to have my own place here in 5wks. I can do it just fine with anger management and therapy classes. I am doing much better than I was before the classes. trying to get a job near the apt im moving into. and trying to be a better person. I find that adoption is best because I wont worry about hurting the baby. every baby deserves to be happy.

    Anyways about the open part....It was the adopting parents idea not mine. I do not want it to be that open cause I am afraid to get too close but afraid to be too far away. I dont want him to grow up and ask why i didnt love him enough to keep him. or why i left him. I dont want him to ask why i lied to him. I love him so much and i dont know him yet.
    I actually dont know what i want from the adoption just two good parents who will give my son a good
    mommyrebecca

    Comment by mommyrebecca (original poster) at 8:07 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • .....Good start at life and a great life. Who will teach him new things and help with difficult things. Love him and be a great happy family.
    mommyrebecca

    Comment by mommyrebecca (original poster) at 8:08 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • I hope you realize you are repeating a family cycle. Broken home to broken home. You have already decided that you are going to fail and hurt your child beforehand so I guess you have it all figured out. I just hope when your kids are old enough you are okay with telling them the truth. I'm not trying to be mean, but it really seems like you don't want the first one either. Why are you mor in to having a closed adoption with one, but not with the other?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:16 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

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