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Issue with 14yr old daughters grades

I have a 14 year old daughter who wants to do just enough to get by in school. But to her, getting by is only passing a class with a "C" or sometimes a "D". She simply has no desire to learn, doesn't retain what she reads, and could care less what kind of grades she makes. We have used many disciplinary measures over the last 2 years with no success..it helps for a while only. I know that I can't MAKE her into someone who loves to learn and overachieves, but of course I EXPECT her to make decent grades! This is her personality..she is the same way in sports..she is very talented and athletic, but wants to do just enough to get by. Any suggestions?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:46 PM on Oct. 20, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (6)
  • Our son was the same way at that age. We went to counseling and the counselor said he would not waste our money and told us we simply had to have a structured environment from which he could not stray. He could not go out on school nights and had an early curfew on weekends. (that was not new) Then we talked to each of his teachers and had him write his homework OR the words "no homework" in his notebook during each class. At the end of class he went to the teacher and they signed the notebook. It took 2 seconds. I then could see what was assigned and made sure it got done. My son actually ended up loving a couple of the subjects. Also, we told him he had to pick one activity or sport & we made sure to get to those games. We always knew where he was and what was expected of him. It took a couple of years for him to come around to realizing he had to do good in school to be successful. I wish you all the best.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 7:34 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • That is frustrating. There could be several reasons for her lack of motivation. If she does not have any type of learning disability & you know she is capable of better, then I'd be looking into whether or not she is doing drugs, if she has her mind on boys, or if she has fallen under the belief that being smart is some type of disease! (they do think that way at that age- any sign of wisdom = geek) I cant believe she can even play sports w/ such poor grades. But since she doesnt seem to care about that either, then I'd cut out all extras until she brings up her grades & keeps them up. I wish you luck.
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 6:54 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • Have you had her tested for any learning advisability?? If you have and that isn't the issue. Then No extras until grades are brought up to your standards. And as she goes through high school, have her explore possibilities beyond something that requires a 4 year college education. She may do well going into something your local community/tech college offers.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 7:31 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • My younger son has been this way for a while, for us we found out two things. One he does have a learning disability along with short term memory loss (so he can't remember what he reads), and two he couldn't see, its amazing how much glasses made a difference.
    The other thing we have done is let him know its important to your best at everything, because the more you work to do your best the better you will feel about yourself. The more you accomplish for yourself the more reward later...I never pushed my kids and I know what they are capable of. My older son is a straight A student and pretty much doesn't have to do anything to get those grades. My younger son is a B/C student and tries his best to get B's over C's. As for sports they both push themselves to be the best and have seen the pay off. But it takes a lot of talks to get them the motivation. I think Elizabr had some good suggestions too. :)
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 8:39 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • Does she want to go to college? IF so let her know that she needs a certain GPA to get into any college, Then let her deal with the natural consequences of doing just enough to get by. Also, get the child tested for a learning disability, get eyes checked too. I tried the assignment notebook with my son and it didn't work. NOTHING has worked with him and now I just let him deal with the natural consequences...like having to stay after school 2 days a week to do homework with his teachers. Now, he will have to add Saturday homework help too.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:33 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • Honestly, with the exception of taking away priviliges when she gets bad grades, not much you can do about it....you can't make her care....She'll have regrets one day, but hopefully she'll eventually learn from these mistakes....
    Anna92464

    Answer by Anna92464 at 2:32 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

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