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I'm in love with somebody...and its not you..

I've been with my husband for almost 11 years, we have 3 children together. Long story short, had it not been for our first daughter, who was born when we were teenagers, we wouldnt be together today. The problem is that i still have very strong feelings for someone who was a huge part of my life, and he still has feelings for me too. I'm in a miserable relationship with my husband. He hasnt worked for almost 3 years, and i work part time to support us. I also have a step-son who was conceived while we were married. I dont know how to get out of this marriage, im terrified of hurting my children. I could really use some help! Thanks!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:35 PM on Oct. 20, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • Honey, if you want to get out, get out. Trust me, staying together "for the kids" actually damages them more than leaving. I should know, it's what my parents did. Kids KNOW when you feel miserable, they know when their parents don't get along. They are much better off with two happy parents who aren't together than with two parents who stay in a loveless marriage...
    Anouck

    Answer by Anouck at 7:41 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • Your hurting your children more by staying in a loveless marriage where they can probably see you are not happy. It is better to seperate and keep the peace with your husband so the kids are not put in the middle of a battle, then to go on being unhappy with someone you don't love.
    jroseh68

    Answer by jroseh68 at 7:40 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • I'm not trying to be rude or nosey, but I'm having trouble with the fact that your support a family of five with a part-time job. How in the world do you manage that? I think you should get some counseling and try to work it out. If you don't have money for that, then go to a church where they will help you. You and your husband need to heal this relationship. You need to draw some hard lines with him. Your crush has developed out of your husband's inadequacy not because you are truly "in love". You need to tell your husband he can get a job by ....or he is being kicked out and other things need to change as well. etc. GL
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 7:40 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • How do you have a "step-son" who was conceived while you were married? A stepson would be a child your spouse had from a previous marriage. If it's a child he fathered with another woman while you were married, it's not a stepchild. Your husband might have custody and you might be raising him as your own, but calling him a stepson would indicate your husband had him prior to being with you. I applaud you for treating him as your own though. I don't know that I could be as strong, even though it's not the child's fault, the fact that my husband cheated on me and ended up getting the woman pregnant would not sit well with me. Best of luck to you.
    KimPippin

    Answer by KimPippin at 8:41 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • before you just up and leave is there no way to save the marriage through some type of discounted counseling or church help. if not if you want to be happy you may just have to up and find it. what options do you really have stay or leave and you already know how staying has been working out for you.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 9:40 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • i would definately leave him. he hasnt worked in 3 years? that is not a quality husband or father. what good and responsible man with any pride at all would not work for such a long time?(unless he is sick) he is lazy and dosent have a conscience , because if he did he would not have u supporting his kid that he made outside of the marriage. he wont change get out and run to the hills.
    maya123

    Answer by maya123 at 10:18 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

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