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if your husband seemed to be gettign his act together, would you give another chance? adult content

this man was an abusive alcoholic, for the year we were married, also diagnosed with major depressive disorder. NOW he is on meds, which make him talk liek a rational and compassionate human being, is exercising, is in AA, is down to a half pack of cigs a day, completed anger management, took a parenting course, sees both a psychiatrist and a counsellor, is going into a domestic violence multi week seminar, and made an Emmaus Walk spiritual retreat which he says he loved completely. We have a seven month old (ours), a seven yr old (mine), and a 12 yr old (his). i testified and am also seeing counselors which has helped me be strong and not accept mistreatment ever again. i dont really knwo what to do and will feel judged by my family and friends if we end up getting back. he knows it will take baby steps and liek almost a year... i ahve own place and a job. he does not, lives with family. he sounds sincere. what would you do?

Answer Question
 
silverelf

Asked by silverelf at 7:56 PM on Oct. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Level 16 (3,114 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • abuse? Hell freaking no!
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 7:57 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • I would take it slow and make sure the the changes stick...but I think people can change and in that aspect if you love him then I think it could be ok. I would certainly be VERY cautious.
    emilex

    Answer by emilex at 7:58 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • After all that. No I would not give him another chance. Just be friends.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 8:01 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • People can and do change. I would give it time to make sure he is sincere in the changes he has made. Have boundaries for yourself and children that are uncompromisable. You can make it work the way it should have in the first place ;) Just take your time doing it so you aren't stuck undoing a big mess again. ((hugs))
    blessedwithree

    Answer by blessedwithree at 8:01 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • Nope.. and I wouldn't be sitting around giving it a second thought.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 8:02 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • Do what you really really want to do. Be prepared for him to slip into old ways from time to time and let him know he has to go if he hurts you again.
    Love that grows thru events like you described is the sweetest love.
    KARRIEMARIE

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 8:09 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • No one can know for sure what they will do in these situations until they are in them. Its easy to answer, No I wouldn't do it and even think twice about it, until face to face with the situation. Your whole mind set changes and things become skewed and blurred and so confused.
    Only you know what he has done, only you know whats in your heart. Only you can make that choice. ONly you should. If your family doesn't support you 100% either way they aren't very good family.
    Take your time, take it slow. I would suggest couples counseling ON TOP of keeping your normal routine single therapy's.
    GOod luck and i hope things work out. Some people can change.... it just takes hitting the very very very rock bottom to get to the point to want to do it.
    PreemieMom.2009

    Answer by PreemieMom.2009 at 8:11 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • Was he court ordered to do all these classes? It would be a powerful thing if he just went out and did this all on his own. I have a feeling he didn't. I would do nothing but wait, a very long time to see if these changes are real. DO NOT rush back into anything mama. Keep doing a good job of taking care of yourself and your babies. Hugs, and good luck:)
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 8:54 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • I was with an addict and abuser several years ago and even my counselor said those men don't really change. Especially if they are ordered by legal action to do the rehab, therapy and all that. I think you should not run back to him just yet and I know you said it would be at least a year but his living situation would make me nervous. It's easy for him to feel better and think everything is fine if he is living with realtives and not in the real world with a job and taking care of himself. Put yourself and your children first.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:42 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • i would be really reluctant to give him another chance but when kids are in the equation then its a different ball game. take it really slow if u are thinking about getting back together. if he goes back to his old habits leave him for good. the kids dont need this toxic messy environment.
    maya123

    Answer by maya123 at 10:10 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

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