Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

Who is correct and who is over-reacting?

A woman from my church asked me to mention to my mother in law and her daughters that all three of the daughters (12, 17, and 20) get up and walk in and out way too much during service and shouldnt be using phones during service. She said that they were distracting her and other people and asked me to politely mention it because she didnt know them well enough to say anything. I thought it was reasonable because they do text and get up 3-5 times each Sunday. I told them and now they are really mad and demanding to know who said it and saying she is just mean and should mind her own business.

I thought it was reasonable! So who is over-reacting here?

Answer Question

Asked by amber710 at 8:41 PM on Oct. 20, 2010 in Religion & Beliefs

Level 18 (4,826 Credits)
Answers (32)
  • all I will say here, is that the messenger is usually the one to get shot- hope you learned your lesson.

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 8:43 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • well, the reason I told them is because I agreed. My husband and I have complained before about how distracting it is that they are always running around and on the phone. I actually said that to them. lol "Dont shoot the messanger." They just rolled thier eyes at me. I really think they are being ignorant but maybe I am out of line???

    Comment by amber710 (original poster) at 8:47 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • It might have went over better if the woman who had the problem went to tell them because she is outside of their family. I always remember when I was a teenager my mom would tell me I was doing something rude/disrespectful and I thought she was over reacting but if someone I didn't know very well told me I felt as though everyone would have a bad opinion of me and I shouldn't do it... good luck

    Answer by shortleo at 8:50 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • This year at services for Yom Kippur at our synagogue there were 3 teens who came in late and sat there doing their homework and texting. My MIL did say something even though she didn't know them. Maybe next time you will have the other person be the messenger. It is rude and disrepectful to those around them, g-d and the person conducting the service. Sometimes the words of strangers have a bigger impact than those of family. Good for you for saying something.

    Answer by balagan_imma at 8:53 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • The person should have voiced the complaint herself. If the girls are going to be rude like that, they should at least have the decency to sit in the back so they don't have to disrupt the whole service. Their mom needs to teach them how to be respectful instead of arrogant little brats who demand to know who said what. I wouldn't say who said it because the last thing the church needs is a confrontation. It was a reasonable request and it's done so just let it blow over and maybe suggest they sit in the back if they must be on the phone texting.

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 9:04 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • I'm with you sister. Why even bother going to church if you're gonna text and distract others?? Have they learned nothing at all about loving other people? I would have said something right away and let them get mad at the whole world. Tell them they're being selfish and they should be ashamed to act that way at church. The parents should make sure the phones are not even brought into the service. I went to church twice a week from the time I could walk and I don't remember ever once getting up to go to the bathroom. I took extensive notes that my father went over after we left to make sure I was learning something and we kept the sabbath from sundown to sundown. I went home after church and did bible study til dark. Somebody needs to have a talk with these kids about self respect and public behavior or just admit that going to church is a meaningless gesture on their part and let them stay home.

    Answer by Blabbermouth at 9:04 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • Ummm.... it IS her business because they're distracting her (and probably many other people). They are definitely overreacting and in my book they are in the wrong. We were taught as kids not to get up in the middle of service unless we really REALLY needed the restroom or something. We would never have gotten away with using phones during church.

    Answer by firenicecream at 9:05 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • My parents would make the kids leave their phones at home if they are going to church.

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 9:32 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • maybe the pastor should make an announcement before services requesting that all cellular devices be put on vibrate or off and mention that it is destracting the congregation when there is too much coming and going and it is disrupting those who are trying to feel the spirit and to please be respectful to the lord and his followers. (also if he/she wanted to they could say it is rude) anyways thats what I would do if I was the pastor....IMO

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:36 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • You are correct and they are not only overreacting, they are being rude. Texting during a service is very rude as well as getting up so many times.....Of course anyone that would do that and be so unconcerned about the people around them aren't going to react well to someone asking them to stop....they don't need to know the name of the person, that is just gossip anyway, and they are the ones totally out of line.

    Answer by Anna92464 at 9:51 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.