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How to stop worrying and let go....

I have a only child. A daughter who is 18 and in her first yr at college. She comes home twice a month. She is doing pretty good with her classes. I was a very involved mother and monitered alot. She always had a curfew. I always insisted on knowing who, what, where, but I did let her experience some things. We are a non drinking family because of alcoholism in my family. My dtr has a small group of friends at home and a new small group at college. They ALL drink and party. Many smoke pot. She has confided all are sexually active. Everything we raised her not to be. She says even tho they all do these things she doesn't. I don't really know how you can hang with these types and not. But, whatever I realize I can't control her. She is who she is and not me. BUT any advice on how to stop worrying, lecturing, and driving myself nuts??? Can anyone relate to what I am saying and have any words of wisdom?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:40 PM on Oct. 20, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (11)
  • My gosh mom... you simply will never get over feeling like that. That's a mom for ya! Mine are 26 and 22 and I still feel like that, even though they have kids of their own. The only thing is, now I have more children to worry about! All you can do is teach them the best way you can, and hope that they follow that correct path.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 9:42 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • I think you have to trust your daughter but more importantly trust yourself and that you have done a good job raising her. I have teens also. They are still in high school but are getting ready for college too. I have my worries just like you are having with your daughter and her friends but then my kids and I will talk or they will do something and it reminds me that I have done a good job and I just need to trust what I have taught them. Have faith in her and your parenting.
    marchar2002

    Answer by marchar2002 at 9:47 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • Mine are 39 & 34, and I still worry about them all the time. Each night before I go to sleep, I pray for them to be be safe, healthy, and happy. It gives me peace.  It's not much in the way of advice. I hope things get better for you.

    earlgrey

    Answer by earlgrey at 10:06 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • If she confided this information to you, then you still have a close relationship to your daughter.If she says she doesn't do what they do, then you need to trust her more. As long as you raised her right, you have nothing to worry about. I know it's hard, but she is an adult now and you need to let go a little at a time.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 1:17 AM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • I'm 20 so I know alot from your daughters point of view. If she confides with you she trusts you and seeks your wisdom for advice when she needs it. If she is hanging out with these people it doesn't mean she is doing the same things. It's probably not all they do! If she is she needs to experience things or herself. Don't think that if she has sex she is a sleeping around alot because the morals you grew her up with will stick with her no matter the situation. She is a woman of her own now and obviously has a great head on her shoulders if she is in college and sounds like she is not attracted to the lifestyle of her friends. I have had friends and family that don't drink or do drugs even though everyone is doing them where they are. Just trust your daughter and whatever he is doing be happy she is in college making a better life for herself whether she smokes drinks has sex once or twice she will know what is important.
    LindAngeLevi

    Answer by LindAngeLevi at 2:24 AM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • Trust that you've taught her well, realize that she is young and has mistakes yet to make that will be all her own, and that hopefully she will learn from. Trust me, I know it's not easy but there is no point in worrying yourself sick over what might or might not happen.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:04 AM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • I am also where you are...son at college 20 and daughter 23.....I worry and i talk to them about it...it is good if you can have a nice chat. I find in the past i have gone on and on and drove them crazy with my worry. I have backed off but when the subject comes up i tell them to be careful and be smart.
    Tinkie107

    Answer by Tinkie107 at 9:00 AM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • At least she talks to you about what is going on. If she says she doesn't do these things then trust her or she will stop seeing and telling you what is happening in her life. She will always be your "baby" know matter how old she is. She sounds like she has a pretty good head on her shoulder. She will figure it out and eventually get away from these 'losers". I have the same concerns with my son but I don't tell him any more not to do the things he does and he still confides in me and we have an open communication.
    bcross21

    Answer by bcross21 at 1:43 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • Ok, my kids aren't that old yet :) But I was raised pretty much the same way your daughter was. Mom and dad both wanted to know who I was with, where, and what we were doing. They had to meet ALL my firends face to face for more than 5 mins before I could go anywhere with them. I couldn't go out with a guy unitl he spent time at my house (paretns home) first atleast 2 times. I hung out with people that drank, smoked, did drugs and had sex. My parents had ot trust me and hwo they raised me. I have NEVER smoked or done drugs (I'm 33). I didn't have sex until my wedding night (I was 20). I didn't have my first drink unitl my first wedding anniversary.

    I know it's hard ot not worry but you just need to trust her and how you raised her.
    LorisChar

    Answer by LorisChar at 4:02 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • im 18 and moved away from home onto a amilitary base 800 miles away and my mom was/is devastated we were/are best friends the only thing i can think of is tell her how u feel and cherish the phone calls and visits home to do landry and stuff ;)
    mama2jaybub

    Answer by mama2jaybub at 10:44 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

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