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MIL wants to visit for Holidays!! HELP

DH is in the military. We have lived away from our home state for almost 6 years. His mom has never once visited us,EVER. We are expecting baby # 2 in March. This is the last year with DS1 as an only child. I want this Christmas to be very intimate and special with just the 3 of us. My MIL has invited her self and her hubby out for christmas and I dont want her here at the time. DH disagrees and wouldnt give a answer to his mom. I think she kinda got the hint but now wants to come for thanksgiving. We already made plans to host a dinner with 8 people! Her and I dont have the relationship to call and chat. We keep it polite and civil but deep down we hate each other and it isnt going to change. If she calls me or DH makes me tell her she cant come for christmas how can I do this? She told DH she will check ticket prices to see what holiday is cheaper. Help me handle this!PLEASE lol

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Asked by 1andcounting at 12:36 AM on Oct. 21, 2010 in Holidays

Level 5 (77 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Oh her reasoning for Christmas is she's old and has nothing to enjoy for chrsitmas and that it is a very depressing time of year. Even though she has 8 other grandkids. If I have to break the news I know she will try and give me a guilt trip. She is practically famous for them.

    Comment by 1andcounting (original poster) at 12:39 AM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • Imagine how you will feel some day if you want to spend the holidays with the child you love and are raising, and your grandchild, even if you don't have a great relationship with your daughter in law.......It doesn't matter how many other children or grandchildren she has, of course she'd like an occasional holiday with her son and his child. This is your husband's mother. She may not be perfect, but she loves him....she raised him. You are welcoming other people into your home, it would be a really wonderful gift to your husband if you would welcome his mother.

    Right now you are just starting your family, but someday you'll be done raising them, you'll have spent years doing the best you can, and making some mistakes, and loving them, I'm sure you'll still want to be part of their lives, be a little gracious here, and hope that someday your daughter in laws do the same for you.

    Answer by ohwrite at 12:50 AM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • Honestly I think you are being EXTREMELY RUDE. You could still have a celebration with just the 3 of you. Just do it before she gets there. We always have our little family Christmas before we celebrate with anyone else.

    It's his mother...Have you bothered to ask your DH whether he would like to see his mother for the holidays or not? My MIL and I don't always seen eye to eye and have had a down right horrid relationship in the past but I would NEVER deny her seeing her son or grandchildren when she asked to just because I had issues with her.

    Answer by miasmommy21407 at 12:50 AM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • Honestly you have had 6 Cristmas's without her since you moved what will it hurt to hve them at your home this year? you can deal with it for a few days. Your husband, you your child and inlaws need to see each other so that your children will know their grandparents. If not I am afraid someday you will regret it.
    I didn't have a close relationship with my inlaws but I did try. It was me telling hubby we needed to go visit them, after a few years I gave up and told him he would make the next move to visit them that I had done all that I could. Both his parents are gone now.
    I never missed a Christmas going to see my parents after we got married (married 47 years now) and our children looked forward to it growing up. We can't go now since I have lost both parents, it sure makes Christmas Day hard. Think again about Christmas this year with your inlaws.

    Answer by Faye1234 at 1:01 AM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • I wonder why she doesn't like you. She has a right to be with her grandchild. She is willing to change from Christmas to Thanksgiving but you don't want either! You can have every other day of the year very intimate.  


    Answer by Gailll at 1:16 AM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • I dont blame u, I had my mil here for christmas 2 years ago. It just throws everything off, and she had her opinions about every little thing we did. I was so miserable that year. Sure you can imagine how she feels, but imagine how you will feel if he deploys this upcoming year and u dont get to have Christmas with him next year. Sometimes you just have to be selfish. ugh! I feel for you because i know damn well you are gonna get stuck doing it anyways! Sorry : (

    Answer by LuvMyMedic3ID at 8:49 AM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • You aren't very good at sharing are you? This is your son's last Christmas as an only child so you want the 3 of you to spend it alone. Who thinks like that? Who wants to spend Christmas alone? Spend Christmas with as much family as you can get.

    Answer by LoveMyDog at 9:20 AM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • Yikes! I feel your pain!!! Well, I think it would be cheaper for her to fly in for Thanksgiving. I guess you have to choose one though. Holidays are a pain in the butt for me too. I have been dealing with them now for 18 years, it's always an issue. It is very hard for most people to understand when it seems like you have no control over your own Holidays. It is VERY hard. Good Luck.

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 10:23 AM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • First of all, she and her husband are entitled to spend the holidays however they want to. Second, if you and your DH don't want her there and just truly cannot handle her visiting for whatever reason, he should be the one to tell her, not pass the phone to you. If it's just that you don't not want her there, I would suggest trying to just get along so it does not make trouble for you and your husband. Sorry but I didn't understand if your husband is also against her coming. I think it probably would be cheaper for her to come for Thanksgiving and that way you'll still have Christmas with just the three of you before the new baby arrives.

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 10:38 AM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • Welcome to my life....ugh....I'll pray for you dear.

    Answer by jewjewbee at 11:12 AM on Oct. 21, 2010

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