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how can i get my 4 year old daughter to stop screaming and crying....

everytime she is mad or getting in trouble...she cries, tells me no, yells, screams, everything..and VERY LOUDLY! it drives me nuts...she will cry alot while she's in time out, and of course she has to sit there till she stops...but minutes go by that last FOREVER! she talks back and yells at me no alot..she's kinda bratty! my youngest is starting to follow in her steps!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:10 AM on Oct. 29, 2008 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (14)
  • pop her on the butt and let her know who's in charge. then ignore her. put her in a spot you know she won't get hurt at when throwing a tantrum, and leave the room (or make it seem as if you leaved the room, but you're keeping an ear or an eye on her) kids that throw tantrums only do it if they have an audience. and make sure your LO leaves the room and doesn't watch it.
    armywife43

    Answer by armywife43 at 12:15 AM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • our 4 yr old started to do that, so we decided that we would start to spank for stuff like that. One firm swat on the butt was all it took to stop the horrible yelling. After about two weeks of getting swatted on the butt for the tantrums and reaffirming that we can express our emotions through words we saw great results. She is much more likly to tell us what is wrong. Go to the store, and if she wants something and we say no, she will still cry like life is horribly unfair, and when she wants somthing she does this "What, none for me???" then procedes to cry instead of just asking if she can have some. But we decided that she cannot have anything unless she uses big girl words and tone, and if she throws a fit because she can't have somthing, then we remind her that we can take privlages away.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:17 AM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • she definetly gets popped in the butt....but i guess i'm not firm enough or i don't know...i know it hurts her...but she'll cry more...or stop...but then turn around 20 mintues later, and act up again as if nothing ever happened.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:37 AM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • I take away toys or stuffed animals...whatever the favorite toy of the hour is and she doesn't get it back until she stops the tantrums and starts making good choices. She hates having her stuffed animals taken away. We also hit her on the bottom, give her time outs and ignore her. But, the taking away of favorite toys usually works miracles with her.
    Colleen801

    Answer by Colleen801 at 12:55 AM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • I'm not saying the "swat on the butt" is right or wrong, but I do need to ask a question. This sentence really strikes me as ironic: "After about two weeks of getting swatted on the butt for the tantrums and reaffirming that we can express our emotions through words we saw great results."

    Does anyone else think this makes no sense? How can we teach our kids that we solve problems "through words" by hitting them?

    And yes, I do spank my son sometimes, but only when I feel I have no other option, and I don't really think it's the right thing to do on a regular basis.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:05 AM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • When my 3 1/2 year old is screaming and throwing a tantrum I usually try to evaluate the situation from her point of view. Is anything different happening today (people visiting, brother getting more attention, etc.) Did she have extra sugar? Is she hungry? Does she need a nap today? Often there is something extra going on. I usually try TALKING to her about what is wrong. I giver her a hug and ask her to take a deep breath and settle down, or sing a song that helps her calm herself...I teach her coping mechanisms. The result is that she knows how to calm herself down and tell me what is wrong. When she starts gettting upset she sings herself a calm down or says 'take a deep breath....woooo...ok...' She is 3 1/2! I know adults who can't keep their tempers down and here is a tiny girl doing. My suggestion would be to talk to her. Treat her the way you would want to be treated when you are upset.
    Betc04

    Answer by Betc04 at 8:41 AM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • Spanking is nothing but a softened word for violence against your child. It isn't a 'pop' it is hitting your child. If you want your daughter to stop this unwanted behavior, try this: Get on her level. Adults are intimidating! Look her in the eyes and tell her you want to talk with her. Reaffirm her desires. "I WANT MCDONALD'S!!!" "Janey wants McDonald's!" Then she knows you UNDERSTAND her. Then explain to her why or why not something is happening. If she starts in, just take her by the shoulders -gently!- and tell her "Listen to Mommy! Mommy wants to talk to you!"
    nytefae

    Answer by nytefae at 9:45 AM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • It doesn't work one hundred percent of the time but nothing does with a preschooler. Once she understands that you understand, she should calm down considerably anyhow. And by using this approach, you're modeling for her how to speak and speak rationally, using words for communication rather than whining, crying, screaming, or tantrums. Good luck!

    Jen: Mommy to three crazy boys and one faery princess.
    nytefae

    Answer by nytefae at 9:45 AM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • Your daughter is running the house. You need to get your position of authority back and that is going to be work. You will have to be very firm with her. It will seem like you are just being plain mean, but you are re-establishing your authority with her. EVERY TIME she throws these fits, she gets a time out and if she doesn't stop after the 4 minutes for her age, she gets another 4 minutes. She will not like time-outs. If that doesn't work start taking away her toys. You are in charge here and the punishment is up to you. You are training yourself and her, but believe me, you will be glad you stick to your guns at this age because if you have 2 brats doing this to you, you will go insane. And they will get worse the older they get if you don't nip it in the bud now! Be strong for your kids and for yourself.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:21 AM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • I have a couple of difficult preschool age children. Here is a book their pediatrician recommended to me: "How to raise a spirited child". I've also heard great things about the "Love and Logic" parenting method. It is natural consequences and she is old enough to "get it" at age 4. Good Luck and don't give up!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:26 AM on Oct. 29, 2008

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