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S/O of another question, the pawn question

Why do people always assume if we have a bad relationship with a man it must mean we don't love ourselves? Men can be very tricky. I loved myself, I was at where I wanted to be in life and found my husband only to find out he tricked me like the men from my past. My husband was a wonderful person in the beginning, nothing like my past exs. Then after a couple years he did a 180 on me and now he's nothing like he use to be. Women that do love themselves find bad men. I'm really getting irritated with everyone saying you let him hurt you because you don't love yourself.


Asked by mommy_of_two388 at 11:12 AM on Oct. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Level 43 (154,356 Credits)
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Answers (6)
  • i love myself as well and was with a great man then i said I DO and that is when the control and abuse started i didn't leave at first merely i think cause i was in shock of it all.. how he could change like that.. but i def did leave fast! but i agree why do women get the wrap for a bad man any man can be bad, all women im sure at one time or another compromised a little for a guy if not relationships don't work if you dont agree and men compromised for a woman, i dont agree that women who find a bad man and then end it are not standing up for themselves or weak, just a human being in the wrong place wrong guy situation.

    Answer by alcnic27 at 11:20 AM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • i don't think it's that you don't love yourself but most often times it seems we have unhealthy characteristic traits that we don't know we have until we get with unhealthy men. like we tend to become co-dependent, the fixer, doormat etc. so subconsciously we attract men who need fixing or not healthy without knowing why. extending from a troubled or lack of good male role model in the home.

    Answer by melody77 at 11:36 AM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • I wouldn't say that you don't love yourself, but that you may not stand up for yourself enough to get him to stop treating you like crap.

    Answer by coala at 11:13 AM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • Oh I do, that's why I'm getting a divorce. I just see this way to often. It doesn't help women when the blame is put on them for what asshole men do.

    Comment by mommy_of_two388 (original poster) at 11:15 AM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • My view on what you shared:
    1) a Bad relationship takes 2 to make it bad. Yes one person can have issues that affect the relationship (drinking, drugs, cheating, abuse.ect) However. Staying with someone that has such issues is a choice that is made. In most cases though, a bad relationship was made bad by both partners.2) People change, men & women. Due to: marriage, children, age,etc We all change during our relationships. In most cases, it's not those changes that ruin a relationship, it's how the 2 people in the relationship choose to handle those changes that ruins a relationship. 3) Most people do not do a 180 after marriage because they were lying and tricking someone before. Some do, sociopaths with an agenda. most however, are just being who/what they have always been. We just see them more clearly. And also, things that have happened during the marriage, also affect that view. Many tend to rewrite history .

    Answer by pixie_trix at 11:48 AM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • Not everyone says that. Its one thing if you are with a man who is great at first and later shows his true colors...then is when you have to decide if you are going to stand up for yourself or let him walk over you.

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 12:15 PM on Oct. 21, 2010