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Do you think I have a right to feel this way?

I am a mother of two and from day one my Mom has told me that my stepdad is also a grandfather to my first born. She never asked me if it was ok for them to call him Granddad or something similar. She married him when I was 18 and I am now 29. I didn't grow up with him and don't consider him a father. My own father isn't really in my life. I am not thrilled with my stepdad but he is ok b/c he makes my Mom happy. I haven't brought up the concerns to my mom b/c I am afraid of her reaction. Am I wrong for not wanting my kids to call him Poppy? Is anyone else in a situation where they have a stepfather that will be there from the baby's birth and on? what should I do?

Answer Question

Asked by anxious1stimer at 12:06 PM on Oct. 21, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 16 (2,714 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • He is the only "grandpa" your children know. Would you prefer they call him by his first name? My FIL got married when I was 4 mos pregnant, and though I never really had a relationship with her, my DS called her Nana because he didn't know any different and it never upset me.

    Answer by peanutsmommy1 at 12:08 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • Yes, my parents divorced when I was 23, and my husband parents divorced right when we were having our first child. His dad remarried, and my mom did, and our kids called both "step grandparents" grandma and grandpa. Our kids are now 18, 21 & 28, and they have always known them as grandparents, I'm glad they've had them in their lives. I will admit I wasn't real comfortable with it at first, and I've never called my stepdad "dad", but it's been good for the kids.

    Answer by ohwrite at 12:11 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • You have the "right" to feel any way you want....feelings are feelings.....but let me ask you it worth hurting your mom and her husband ? You don't have to feel like he is your dad since he didn't raise you, but is it okay if he loves your children? What would you rather they call them? These are sincere questions, not judgements, please take as that....if you need to talk to your mom and step-dad about this, that isn't wrong either......but you must know it will sting for them....take care, and best wishes....

    Answer by Anna92464 at 12:12 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • If it really bothers you, you should definitely address it. My experience was I didn't know my paternal grandfather. I knew the man my grandmother remarried as my paw-paw. I wouldn't have had it any other way. He was wonderful. The most loving grandparent I had. It devastated me when he was killed in a car wreck. I would say if he is a good 'Poppy' to the kids then let them call him what they want. If he is cold to them, like my kids grandfathers are, then the title isn't deserved. Hope it all works out so no one gets hurt =)

    Answer by luv2mum at 12:13 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • Why would it be any problem at all? This is their grandpa is he not? He is married to their grandma right? My Pa...Oh my pa. He was my mom's step dad they married when my mom was 13 and she never called him dad or anything but he was our Pa and still is almost 6 years after his death. None of us have a relationship with our bio-grandpa and we never will because it feels disrespectful.

    Answer by delilahsmom1177 at 12:14 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • You have a right to feel how ever you feel, the more important thing to explore is why do you feel this way. Is it because rather that saying that she would appreciate it if you treat her husband like a full grandfather that your mother TOLD you, and frankly you are an adult and she should be treating you with respect as she should treat any other adult. It WOULD be nice if your step father had a good solid grandfatherly relationship with your kids. Frankly that is going to be up to him and the kids. I grew up with two grandmothers and two grandfathers, and guess what, I had a favorite of each and they weren't both on the same side of the family. How my parents felt about it didn't enter into the conversation. And when my favorite grandmother passed away and my grandfather remarried. I choose if I was going to like the new wife on my own.

    Answer by LoveMyDog at 12:15 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • I don't see a probleme

    Answer by jessesmama22 at 12:16 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • While you have a right to your feelings, I do agree with the others that this man is going to be the only grandfather your kids will know. He wasn't in your life the entire time, but he WILL be in theirs. My parents got divorced, and my dad remarried a woman when I was 25. Obviously, I don't see her as my mother, but I think she's a WONDERFUL woman, she makes my dad happy, and yes, my children will consider her their grandmother. I see nothing wrong with that at all.

    Answer by Anouck at 12:28 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • My kids call my stepmom mawmaw and they call my husbands stepdad papa... I see nothing wrong with it because this man will be in their lives and he is filling the role of a grandffather...

    Answer by midnightmoma at 12:34 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • Okay a little background. I was raised from 6 months old by my adoptive father who died when I was 18. My mother remarried when I was 22 and I met my bio dad when I was 24. I then had my children at 28 and 30 years old. They call my stepdad Grandpa and my bio dad Papa. Fil is also Papa. Since you say you don't have a relationship with your dad then the only grandpa they know is your stepdad. As they get old enough to understand you can explain he is not your biodad, but for now I think it is fine for them to call him whatever.

    Answer by aeneva at 1:15 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

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