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I have an adult daughter who is a single parent she had a beautiful baby girl earlier this year. She is expecting again and is considering adoption...

I'm having issues with this!!!! She has always made decesions without thinking things threw. She has had emotional issues I truly feel that this decision will at some point destroy her!!!!!!!!!!! She and her baby live with me now she doesnt work or do much else except take care of her baby. She keeps saying she can't afford another baby she doesn't provide anything for the one she has!! I want to help more than anything on this earth but she only seems to want my help with the current child I feel as if shes saying I'm not good enough for the new baby! To me the most terrifing thought is if she goes threw with the adoption and regrets it later and comes crying and i can't help!!!!!! Any suggestions how to handle this would be wonderful!!!!!!!!!!

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mimi321

Asked by mimi321 at 12:19 PM on Oct. 21, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (10 Credits)
Answers (47)
  • I'd much rather give a child up for adoption and regret it later than keep it and realize that I can't provide a good life for it. It's her decision, not yours. Support her no matter what.
    ballewal

    Answer by ballewal at 12:20 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • if she wants to put the baby up for adoption, let her. she obviously can not take care of two, if she can't take care of one. you're best bet would be to make sure she used protection from now on.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 12:21 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • *your*
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 12:21 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • I totally understand her feelings. She CAN'T afford another baby, especially since you are caring for both of them now. It will make it much harder on her and the baby that she already has to get out on their own and be self sufficient if they add another to the mix. I don't think she is saying that you are doing a bad job, but she doesn't want the burden off another mouth to feed for her or for you.

    I can't tell you what is best, but I think going together to an adoption agency and counselor would be good for you both, and discuss family planning after this baby is born.
    twin_mommy

    Answer by twin_mommy at 12:23 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • It sounds like she is being mature about this decision. Maybe rash but she is not able to stand on her own two feet without your help with the one she has. I am sure that you are a great Grandmother but you are doing way more than you have to and should. She might regret it but it is probably better for the little one. Sadly you can't be around for forever.
    Melbornj

    Answer by Melbornj at 12:23 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • Honestly, she's an adult, and ultimately it's HER decision. From what you've said so far, she can't even take care of the one she has now, so I think she's making the right decision. However, I agree with dullscissors, it seems like she's better off getting educated on how to prevent pregnancy in the first place!
    Anouck

    Answer by Anouck at 12:23 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • Why don't you consider adopting the baby. I believe you can considering you are the grandparent. If I was in her shoes I would rather my family take the baby than a stranger.
    hforreste10

    Answer by hforreste10 at 12:25 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • This is tough. I think you really have to let her make this decision. What you can do is help her to really think it thru- make sure she talks to someone about this. By someone I mean a professional who can really help her go over all of the consequences of whatever choice she makes. It isn't about you being good enough or not for the baby- it is about her deciding if she herself is good enough for the baby. As much love and support as you can offer, you are still the grandmother and can not mother the child yourself. I hope for the best possible outcome for your daughter, whatever that may be.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 12:25 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • I don't think you should take it personally. She's probably going through an emotional roller coaster as well. There's probably not much you can do unless you are willing to adopt and raise the child yourself. I'm sorry you are having this heartache.
    Shanna84

    Answer by Shanna84 at 12:25 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • All you can do is tell her how you feel.....tell her that this is your grandchild, too, and you will help her....tell her your fears...be honest but not in an accusing way....tell her you love her and her children, even this baby......and if she gives the baby up anyway, just be there for her....best wishes to you...
    Anna92464

    Answer by Anna92464 at 12:29 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

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