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How do I make my children understand I want to have fun time with them?

I try to be a fun mom, grandmother and now a great-grandmother. I can be in the best mood until I see my children and they can knock the smile right off my face. I can go from happy to tears in a moment

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bcross21

Asked by bcross21 at 1:22 PM on Oct. 21, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 5 (84 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • I don't think our children will ever understand until they have children of their own. I would just tell them that you miss them & want to spend time with them here & there. That should not be too much to ask. Also, try hanging with one child at a time. I know this was always a good idea with my mom. When all of us got together with my mom, there was sure to be arguing.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 1:26 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • Been there done that. Doesn't work. No matter when I try to get together with them one on one they always have plans. Thank you for your answer and support. They both have grown/almost grown children and I am waiting for this to happen to them.
    bcross21

    Comment by bcross21 (original poster) at 1:29 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • you are taking me back to Saturday night. Went out shopping with my 18 yr old dd. Took her to dinner afterwards, she proceeded to start texting all her friends, some type of group texting...lol. oh well, at least I had her complete attention when I was paying for her purchases Saturday night!
    beyondhopes

    Answer by beyondhopes at 1:35 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • Texting is annoying. My kids answer their text messages while I am on the phone talking to them. I did not raise them to be so rude and I believe it is rude. What have we done with the kids today? I am really afraid for them and their futures.
    bcross21

    Comment by bcross21 (original poster) at 1:56 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • I think it's hard for anyone to really understand how their actions affect others. With me, it's usually the opposite issue.

    I make fun plans with my tweens and they're waiting at the car 85% of the time before I can finish asking them. If I ask to make plans with my mom, she "forgets" and makes other plans, makes excuses why she doesn't want to drive to my house (but it's ok for me to drive to hers), hems and haws around getting ready until we're late, and then cuts things short. It makes me feel very unwelcome, and then when I give up making plans, I get called out for being thoughtless. (And pointing out WHY I didn't call means I'm "rude, overly sensitive, and selfish".) Yet she has no problems making plans with friends.
    geminilove

    Answer by geminilove at 2:02 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • My three guys (one in college and two in high school) text at the dinner table. When they first got their phones I tried to have them put their phones away while we ate, but it didn't work. Their dad can be at the dinner table and he just goes right on talking while they are texting so it doesn't bother him whereas it's distracting to me. My guys didn't see a problem with it and just said I need to get over it. (sigh)

    I wish I could be of help to you. HUGS
    zboys

    Answer by zboys at 5:48 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • I am sorry to hear this, my mom and I are having difficulty with this also. My family of 5 moved in a little over a year ago and working HARD to get out soon, but its difficult. There always seems to be an invisible wall between us, and we wind up arguing or not saying what we really feel because we don't want to step on eachothers toes in a sense. We are planning on going away together, no kids, no anyone but us.

    I am surprised to see how many of you don't stand up to your kids. You raised them however you raised them. Tell them the deal or tell em to get out, sorry, but seems disrespectful and rude for them all to be treating you all as parents that way.
    HTMommy

    Answer by HTMommy at 10:11 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • WE are lucky, I guess, our kids (18 and 20 yo) enjoy doing things with us STILL! LOL
    when we book vacations where they can go and mingle, they would rather do stuff with us. I always made sure we were able to do some fun things when they were little. even if it meant just getting in the car to feed the ducks.
    I think that helped for later years, when I would see something I thought was fun... like a corn maze or animal tracking, they were willing to try it with me.
    We do not allow phones or tv at the dinner table and when there are family gatherings, they must sit for the whole meal and enjoy the conversation.. even be part of it. It is amazing to see how the youngsters in our family have grown up to be people with pretty neat ideas.
    We still teach them that they are to respect their elders--- to a point--- and not back talk us. After all, we are their parents.

    Bren
    BrenMOM

    Answer by BrenMOM at 10:50 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • I guess I am confused that you have no control over texting during family time. It is YOUR house, YOUR rules. Yep, that mean parent thing, lol. If you don't want texting at the table, or when you are talking to them, make the rule and stand by it.

    As for having fun with your teens, they need to know how to act. If they are rude, tell them their behavior is rude and not acceptable. Tell them you want to have a fun time with them, but the attitude is making it stressful. Most teens truly want your input, guidance, acceptance, and love. They are in a stage where they are breaking away from the family to become more independent but still want and need your support. Don't let them believe you are not the parent and they are on their own.
    LovemyQ

    Answer by LovemyQ at 10:57 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • It does sometimes seem like the generational gaps are getting more pronunced in the last 15 years or so. Maybe it is a direct result of the cyber age/plugged in gadgets that seem to rule a lot of peoples' lives, both young and old.

    We used to, as humans, talk face to face a wole lot more.

    :(
    Radarma

    Answer by Radarma at 12:50 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

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