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What would you do

So here is the situation... My oldest daughter is not my SO bio dad, however he has been her dad since she was one year old she is now 10, for the past 10 years I can literally count how many times her bio dad has seen her, and it was never on "his time". His mother picks her up for a week in the summer, and sometime during Christmas break. When his mom is bringing her home they will stop and have lunch with her bio dad, and that is the course of their visit. Oh and at the Christmas party that is it. He never calls sends her birthday cards or anything. Now he is getting married and his mom calls to tell me that he wants to have her in the wedding. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I don't think I should be obligated to pay for the dress, and I'm not even sure how comfortable she would be doing it. She has never met his fiance or any of her family, and does not know very many family members on his side either, (continued)

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sheloveearth

Asked by sheloveearth at 1:33 PM on Oct. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Level 19 (7,921 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • She only knows her grandma and one aunt. I think she would be uncomfortable not knowing anyone. What would you do? Allow her to be in the wedding or not? If you would then would you pay for the dress. BTW I haven't met his fiance and haven't seen or talked to her bio father in over 7 years......(Should that matter)
    sheloveearth

    Comment by sheloveearth (original poster) at 1:35 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • Flat out tell them NO. Tell them they don't get to pick and choose when they want her around. This is YOUR daughters feelings we are talking about. We can get her hopes up that her daddy actually wants to be involved in her life only to disappoint her. Put her feelings before what they want.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 1:36 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • I agree with mommy_of_two388. Tell them NO. She really has no idea who these people are.
    TARARENEE

    Answer by TARARENEE at 1:37 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • I would let her do it, ask her how she feels about it. Let them know that you would not pay for the dress or anything like that. Perhaps it will be turning over a new lead. I never had my Dad around and if he had asked me be a part of his life I would have done so in any way that I could have. It is not fair, he should be a great dad and is obviously failing but it might mean more than you think to her.
    Melbornj

    Answer by Melbornj at 1:39 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • What would I do? Tell them where they can stick it! Seriously what is the reasoning they want her in the wedding? So he can say "Aw everyone look at my beautiful daughter..that I have had absolutely nothing to do with her entire life".. That is just awkward to me. I would say no and not feel bad about it what so ever
    Ctink8189

    Answer by Ctink8189 at 1:39 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • I have personal experiance with this, & if it would have been me, I would feel very against being in the wedding. I don't have a rela. w/ him now; same situation - says he loves me but never steps up. I would be willing to bet the only way she'd want to would be to please him....and maybe not even that. I agree w/ other 2 posts !
    Tabitha988

    Answer by Tabitha988 at 1:41 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • IDK, i would talk to your DD about it. See if she is interested in going. You can tell her dad that you're not paying for the dress & that's final. I'm sure he'll find a way to buy it. I would also tell him that if he wants her to be in the wedding, maybe he should spend some time with her before the wedding so that it doesn't feel odd to her, so she won't feel like the 5th wheel.

    Even though he is not around much, I'm sure your DD still loves him & would like to be part of his big day. Kids are so forgiving when it comes to their parents. At least his mom will be there & your DD knows her & feels comfortable with her. I would talk to your DD about it. If she wants to go, i would consider it.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 1:42 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • i say no also. it sounds like he wants to impress his new wife by acting liike he cares when he obviously doesnt :)
    sry girl i wish u the best of luck
    Tiffany_Rivera_

    Answer by Tiffany_Rivera_ at 2:17 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • I would say NO...that is the end of it. He is trying to show boat and feels having her their would justify him being a daddy to his new wife. Shame on him!!!!
    4_28_bbboy

    Answer by 4_28_bbboy at 3:01 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • Right now, you are your daughters voice and if your intuition is telling you NO, then there's a reason for it.
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 3:35 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

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