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4 Bumps

Okay I'm very pissed...

From day one my husband knew I was Atheist, he knew I don't believe and my reasons behind it. I knew he was believed but he doesn't have a set religion. I have respected his views he has respected mine up until now. I have NEVER pushed my beliefs on him. He just asked why in the beginning and that was that. Now that we are having trouble and I said I could no longer work on our failed marriage alone he starts sending me this religious crap. Says I need to get back in touch with god and find my way back to believing. Says it's because I don't believe is the reason why our marriage is failing. We have never had a fight about religion, it has never bothered either one of us and now he wants to continue to blame this BS on me? UGH! Why is he so against what I believe now!
Does your So and you have different views on religion? Do you respect one another differences?


Asked by mommy_of_two388 at 2:26 PM on Oct. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Level 43 (154,356 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • You can be the bigger person here, and ignore it. But first, call him on it, face to face. Be calm about it, and watch the looks cross his face. It's also possible, possible not probable, that he's gone to a priest/reverend or the like, for advice. And they have pushed him to tell you these things. But, more then likely, the ugliness is from him because he's got nothing else to hold over you. He know deep down that you tried to make the marriage work, and he didn't. Just because he says he's now trying to work on it doesn't mean he's not going to do self defeating actions, ie you don't believe and that's why your marriage is failing.

    You will be just fine. Him on the other hand, I'm sure he will be ok.

    Answer by Raine2001 at 4:33 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • I think he is just searching now at this point for a "reason" to validate the failed marriage in his own mind.. Hang in there.. *hugs*

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 2:38 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • He is using religions as a way out of the relationship thats all.. Tell him to shove it up his you know what. If I were you I would text him one last time. Tell him this is not all my fault. and leave it along. get on with your life without him.

    Answer by louise2 at 2:33 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • we are both Laveyan Satanists and believe the same however if we were not on the same page regarding our beliefs I would never hold it against him because I love him regardless.

    I agree with maxsmom...he is using the religion as an excuse to justify the failing relationship...stay strong and convicted to your beliefs because they are yours and yours alone!


    Answer by Anonymous at 2:49 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • i don't agree that he is using religion as an excuse. religious people do believe that through christ a marriage can be saved and if you work on it together with christ you can enrich your marriage. we center our marriage around christ but we both are the same religion which helps us to never have a problem like this and this is why we often choose to marry someone with the same beliefs. maybe he really does feel that with god your marriage can be saved but since you don't believe in god his efforts of fruitless and he should just give up on his belief. i think it's stupid to say that using god as an excuse for a failing marriage is valid. so why would someone use that as an excuse. god didn't make your marriage fail it was the lack their of but both of you guys failed to have dog in your marriage. no shame in that but he chose to be with you and therefore chose to not have god in it so he is wrong too. you can tell him that

    Answer by melody77 at 3:34 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • ooops it's god not dog

    Answer by melody77 at 3:37 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • Well, for us, we center our marriage around each other. We both consider ourselves Episcopal, but have never been big into church. We don't feel the need for organized religion, going to church every Sunday. Right now, after being deployed, he flat out refuses to go. And I fully respect that. I will not let my mom even TRY to ask him to go. We had all three of our kids baptized, in the same church that I grew up in. And he knows he's welcome to go when he's ready. But, I'm not always comfortable going myself. We are married, to each other, that's where our marriage is centered, around US.
    I think your DH has panicked, in a way. You stopped working, and gave him his walking papers. He didn't think you would, he thought you would do the work, and he didn't have to. NOW he sees that he might have needed to work. But, it's too late for that, for you. He's using the religion because...what else CAN he use? It's a low blow. Cont...

    Answer by Raine2001 at 4:29 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • No he isn't using it as a way to work things out. He is using religion to push the blame on her. His reasoning is that he is a devout man and God will take care of his problems. But since she is not a devout person she is bringing problems to their marriage. It is just a blame game.
    Just like people posting that if you do not go into marriage with God then the marriage is doomed. That isn't true at all but people need something to blame when it goes sour.

    Answer by Momma_Halo at 5:13 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • We do have different views and we try to respect each others views. If we did not then it would separate us greatly. We already have to deal with our families in regard to it we don't have to add to it.

    Answer by Melbornj at 2:32 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • Maybe he is just looking for answers though. He knows things are failing and maybe he actually wants to work through them and he thinks that way is a solution.

    Answer by Melbornj at 2:33 PM on Oct. 21, 2010