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How do I explain this to my mom?

My mother was never really around when I was growing up, she was busy with my older sisters and herself. Not that she really neglected me or anything, we just weren't very close. Now, I'm married, with a child and two more on the way, and my mother has started trying to tell me what to do. I'm happy that she's taking an interest in me and my children, I wish she'd done so earlier, but better late than never. But I don't need a mommy any more, I need a friend, someone who can listen to me, and think about whats best for me, not tell me what to do, going by what she did. How do I explain this to my mom without alienating her? I have no idea what to say to her.

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joeymommy1

Asked by joeymommy1 at 3:22 PM on Oct. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Level 9 (292 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • She'll always be your mom, not your friend.

    She's just doing what moms do, even if she's a little late getting started. I think you're right...it's better late than never.
    UpSheRises

    Answer by UpSheRises at 3:25 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • Just tell her that you are an adult now too. Having twins can be extra stressful. Tell her you need her to be a friend now and not a mother
    arenad

    Answer by arenad at 3:27 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • Just tell her it's now your turn to be a mom and even though you are thankful for her advise but you want to do this on your own and in your own ways
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 3:28 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • Say what you just wrote...but a little more softness to it. Like: I'm so glad I can feel close to you now and have you as a friend because I really just need someone who doesn't give advice - someone who will listen and be non judgemental. And I know as a mom you can be that person. You may not know this but when I was growing up I always felt you were closer to my sisters than me. Being a mother now has made me realize that a mom loves all her children just in different ways. I'm glad I can recognize that and am glad I can call you a friend since I am an adult.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 3:29 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • I think you just said what you should say.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 4:04 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • Tell her what you just said but make her feel apart of your life
    jessesmama22

    Answer by jessesmama22 at 4:48 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • Well my mother did the same thing after I had my first (we were very close growing up and still are). After a long heart to heart when my son was about 6 months old I found out she was having issues with the way I was raising him because it was so different then what she did with me and she felt I was saying what she did was wrong and trying to do it differently because I was unhappy with the way I was raised. I explained that was not the case. She did the best with the information she was presented at the time and that was exactly what I was doing. The difference being that the information of the time was very different. Things have been great ever since and now that my kids are 3 and 5 years old she admits I did something right!
    aeneva

    Answer by aeneva at 4:52 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • I was never really close to my mom growing up and she is very close with my sister and even my brother's wife. She has stepped in my life at certain times in a very judgemental way. Basically I had to give up on the idea that our relationship will be the kind of relationship I have with my own daughter. I just have to choose to not respond negatively when she says or does something where I feel she is overstepping boundaries (that I don't feel I created...). If you want her to treat you like an adult then just continue to act like one - just do your thing. Every now and then I ask my mom her opinion on something personal but just like anyone else this doesn't mean I'm going to do things their way - I just need other perspectives. The only person that can truly know what is best for me is me, and that includes knowing when I've made a mistake. Just try to be honest and try to accept her the way she is.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 5:09 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • Don't tell your mother what you've just wrote. This is the woman that gave you life, the same woman who's trying now to make up for any past mistakes. Don't shut her out! Please don't shut her out. Take her love and advice to heart, not necessarily doing what she asks of you but take it to heart. We all make mistakes but it takes a real woman to stand up and face it! She loves you and you know that she does. For whatever reason that she wasn't there how you wanted, she's still your mother...would you want your children to push you aside once they've grown up? I know I don't know the whole story and basically, I don't want to know...all that I do know is that when your mom tries to reach out to you, atleast meet her halfway...there are a lot of women that wished they still had their mother here on earth to mother them or have had a mother in thier lives, you have a mother, so bend a little with her...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 5:49 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • forward what you just wrote to her. she'll understand.
    arsynergy

    Answer by arsynergy at 10:39 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

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