Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Would you tell your SO?

I was molested as a child, my SO knows this, he was too. He can go into details openly, but i still havent went into details. I spent the last 18 years or so trying to block it out. I dont want to remember. He wants me to tell him what happened, I dont know if i can. He's not forcing me to tell him its when ever im ready. Could you tell your SO about something so personal and locked so deep inside? Would you? It would help me cope cause no one knows the details, i was maybe 4 when it started. Any advice on starting the whole conversation?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:35 AM on Oct. 29, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • As a person who was molested when I was 5 (after I got shipped to my birth mothers house for 2 weeks - thats when it happend) I was open and honest with my husband, I keep nothing from him and he knows every little thing there is to know about me, if their is a man I can trust to tell all of my secrets too it is my life long partner and best friend he is who understandes me the most whether or not he has or hasn't went throught the same things I have

    Answer by Married2theBest at 4:48 AM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • as far as starting the conversation, just sit him down make sure it's just in the privacy of you two and explain to him that some things happend in your past when you were 4 years old that you would like for him to know about and that would help get the ball rolling!

    Answer by Married2theBest at 4:50 AM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • I was raped when I was 14 by my 17 yr old boyfriend. I've held that in all these years. When I met my hubby I still held it in... but once I knew he was the one I told him. It made us closer in such a way I never imagined. We both trust eachother so much and confide everything in eachother. He taught me that sex is about love and intimacy, and it doesn't have to be hateful, but wonderful. We were both virgins but he still taught me so much. I think when you're ready to confide in him you SHOULD. You'll be surprised how much easier you can put the incident out of your head once you confide it in someone. Good luck!!

    Answer by MarlyeGirl at 5:06 AM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • I was abused for yrs at the hand of my brother. For years I couldnt talk about it but one day after my mom passed away, I wrote a blog on here about it. A few months after Jeff and I got together, I pulled up that blog and let him read was easier for me to let him read it than for me to tell him everything. Maybe you could write a journal about it, and share that with your SO....that might make the conversation start easier.

    Answer by rebl_roze at 5:36 AM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • I don't think I've ever went in to any details with my hubby about what happened to me and I doubt if I ever will. It's not a visual I want him to have because for me it was in our family and it's bad enough that he knows because I do still have a relationship with the person (he lives a long way away and he'd never be allowed alone with my children). But he does know that it happened, and that I'm a different than a lot of people because of it. I owed it to him to tell him so that he didn't think it was him that was the problem. I like the idea of the journal tho, because you can be as open with it as you want without having to look someone in the eye and they can read it in private if they wish so that they don't have to be strong for you, or hide shock etc. However, I'm afraid someone would find that letter/journal and I'd want to destroy it so no one could ever use it to hurt me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:57 AM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • I was molested by my step father since I was 4 till I was 10 I guess. After been married to my SO for 5 years and he asked me to leave him, because I had feelings that he was cheating on me. And he didn't want to be with me, if I didn't trust him. I got desesperate,because we have 2 little girls and I am very afraid of getting divorce and married other man, that will molest my precious girls. So I was crying and started telling him, why I didn't want get divorce, he questioned me about why I didn't tell anyone, but i did told my mom, but she just told me to tell my step father , that I was going to tell her, and didn't do nothing about it. Well if you can't tell you SO, do the journal, and after he read , destroy it. Good luck!


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:47 AM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • I never told my hubby that my own father molested me when I was 9 until I was like 13. I didn't want to because my father is still with my mother, who refused to leave him (he also cheated on her like 20 times and also molested my sister) or even let us tell the police. Anyways, my dad does not like my hubby and vice versa. I don't know what would happen if my hubby sees my dad after I tell him. I really don't want to hide anything from him but its my own father!! After reading this post/answers, I'm deciding on telling him.. but I think a journal is a better way because I would probably start crying if I told him and he has questions.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:23 PM on Oct. 29, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.