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Talking Back

My 3yr (will be 4 in Nov) has developed a very strong personality, which I know he gets from me. And I see a problem with Authority already. Although he has been through a dramatic change these last few month, converting to reg kid to a army son and his dad gone for 6months, But I am not sure how else to handle this.

I can not spank the kid, all this instigates is hitting when he is upset. How can i say, no you dont hit, but yet I spank him! Its just .. whats the word.. hypocryticall, and others may say "Because I am mom" but I just hate that approach that because I am mom i can disobey the rules I put forward.. So I have been using the time outs, which he does hate, but still doesnt change his behavior...Now he just talks back, not with words he is still behind a little verbally, but with squaks... Anyone have some suggestions?


Asked by ThaSs at 4:20 PM on Oct. 21, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (4)
  • His personality is something that he'll grow out of/ or into, depending on how you see it.

    He's still learning about social behaviors, like independence, in the same way he's still learning his letters and how to use his little fingers better.

    Be as patient as you can, and do your best to treat him the way you want him to treat you. It's an will pay off.

    Answer by UpSheRises at 4:24 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • the best thing to do when he starts losing it is to keep as calm as possible. they will feed off of any negative energy believe me. my daughter just turned 4 and we had a hell of a time with 3. this "rage" would come out of her i had no idea what was wrong with her, and being frustrated and at my wits end i would yell and scream back and it solved nothing. i just didn't know that it was more of a power struggle, she thought she was the boss of the house and didn't like being showed otherwise. anyway, one day during a screaming fit, i took her to her room and shut the door, sat down on the bed with her and talked in a very relaxing voice until the shouting diminished. in one snap she went from super angry to telling me that she was mad because of this or of that, and i explained to her that no means no and getting mad is no way to get what you want. we havent really had any serious attitude problems since.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:30 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • I understand about the spanking. I have 4 kids. Spanking works for some of them, but not for the others.
    You have to figure out what works best and be consistent.

    You said yourself that he is going through some major changes, which can definitely contribute to him feeling out of control and taking it out on you.
    Does he like anything particular? Toys, stickers, books?
    You can either reward his positive behavior and not feed into his negative behavior OR when he does start talking back - give him 1, 2, or 3 warnings (however many you feel are appropriate) and each time warn him of the consequences (ie: one of your toys will be going to another kid who talks nice to his mom). Then follow through.
    I agree with the other posters - screaming & yelling goes nowhere. Believe me, I yell - but it never helps. :)


    Answer by ARmom at 7:00 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • my dd has some of the same issues. she even would throw herself on the ground in hissy fits. but my oldest dd never did it so i was at a loss. i finally just ignored her when she acted out. and it got her attention. i refused to reward her behaviour with my attention (which is what she wanted all along) now back talking, my oldest did. and i just told her that it was rude. i explained to her how it made me feel, why i asked her to do something, ect. i made her listen. at 4 they are begining to understand reasoning. so use that skill. good luck. its just a phase.

    Answer by Phippsandrea at 7:19 PM on Oct. 21, 2010