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Any good ideas on how to get my mom to back off without having to say it to her...she will not respond to that well.

She calls constantly...if I dont answer...like within 20 -30 minutes of her trying...she has been known to show up on my door to make sure I am not dead.

She badgers me about stupid things....like what outfit my dd is going to wear when she visits my moms work tomorrow...etc.

She is so controlling and I TRY very hard to keep the peace and push her away some at the same time.

But its not working.

Eventually it will build up and I explode and yell at her and hurt her feelings and make her mad...

I just want her to lay off a bit.

No lie she has called me about 7 times today!

Answer Question
 
mom2twobabes

Asked by mom2twobabes at 7:40 PM on Oct. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Level 22 (12,305 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Being direct and straight forward is best.. I wouldn't worry how she will take it. If you don't take a stand she will continue and chances are if you are not strong she will wiggle her way right back in again before you know it.. Being direct does not equal mean.
    midnightmoma

    Answer by midnightmoma at 7:43 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • When you are not upset with her try to talk to her about setting some boundaries, or maybe if you don't think she'll listen, write it in a letter. Let her know that you know she loves you, and you love her, but you're an adult now....a mother yourself, and you need her to give you a chance to be an adult and stand on your own two feet.

    You don't say how old you are, but keep in mind that if you call her for help, or to rescue you from things that you haven't handled well, she won't see you as an adult. (I'm not saying that you do these things....just don't know the whole situation.)

    Remember that it's really hard as your kids get older to let go.....some moms have even more trouble than others. Are you an only child? Or the youngest? that may make it even harder.

    Good Luck! I hope it gets better for you.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 7:44 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • I am 31 with my 3rd baby on the way. I am her oldest, but only dd. And I can promise you my mom will be doing this same thing when she is 99 years old and in a nursing home. lol

    I do feel almost hopeless about it.

    I have talked to my dad about this a lot before. He sees it too. And we both feel that she has some type of OCD with controlling behavior.
    mom2twobabes

    Comment by mom2twobabes (original poster) at 7:47 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • You have gotten great advice so far. I would ask her why she is calling so much and tell her you are glad that she worries and loves you and the kids so much, but that it is a bit much for you to take care of the kids and be on the phone so much. Maybe if you bring to light how hard it makes things she may understand a bit.
    Alanaplus3

    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 7:47 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • What if you don't answer the phone, but text her saying you are busy with the kids or whatever, and that you'll have to talk later. I think I'd limit her to one phone call a day....and limit the time if necessary.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 7:56 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • GET THIS BOOK!

    Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life,Henry Cloud (Author), John Townsend
    John Townsend (Author)

    READ IT.. AND MAYBE EVEN SEND YOUR MOTHER A COPY.. SAY MOM I AM READING THIS.. AND LEARNING TO SET HEALTHY BOUNDARIES FOR MY FAMILY.. PLEASE USE THIS CHANCE TO DO THE SAME..

    Good luck!
    MAKEMYDAY101

    Answer by MAKEMYDAY101 at 8:04 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • I would tell her sometimes she does not need to come over and mostly I would say she has raised her kids nows its your time to raise your kids.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 8:51 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

  • definately get the book boundries! you might try to "beat her to the punch" if you know she will be calling or what ever just call her first and drive her crazy(you know you know how)lol sometimes they dont realize what they are doing until they are the recipient.
    arsynergy

    Answer by arsynergy at 10:34 PM on Oct. 21, 2010

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