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3 Bumps

Wanting to take care of the Ex's new child

My DH wants to help his ex wife with her second child from her second marriage. She divorced her second husband when her baby was 2 and now he has become a deadbeat dad. My dh has a 12 yo son with her and now wants to step in to help her with this child that is not his.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:41 AM on Oct. 22, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (9)
  • And your question exactly is....
    LostTheSlipper

    Answer by LostTheSlipper at 1:59 AM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • Personally I think that's totally admirable. I think you have reservations about it,but with a kid's well being at stake... I'd let him do it.
    PadmeJonez

    Answer by PadmeJonez at 2:04 AM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • I think it depends what we are talking about. Sort-of a similar situation but my Step-father's ex wife had a child at the same time his daughter did so the grand-daughter and the ex's child both call my step-father papa and my mother and step-father buy him gifts for birthdays and x-mas and will occasionally buy clothing and things for him. He is always invited to family get togethers and other family activities. I think that's totally acceptable. But I wld prob draw the line at like weekend visits and regular financial contributions to the ex wife. I think it's very amicable of ur husband to want to ensure that his ex's 2nd child feels accepted and loved.
    ValerieRNmom

    Answer by ValerieRNmom at 3:22 AM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • If he is able.... then God Bless him! Children should never be "left out" if it can be helped. My ex will often include my son when he is doing things for my daughter (my daughter is his, my son is not his). Some times it is little things like treats. He doesn't usually bring a treat for my DD, without bringing something along for DS too. He has helped me before with other things... like last year when all the kids needed new shoes. He bought both my DD and DS shoes.

    When it comes to kids, I'm a softy! A few years ago I was in the position to help him when he lost his job. I bought Christmas for his son (who is not mine, but is half brother to my DD) What goes around comes around, and it is always a good thing when you bless the life of a child.
    VeronicaLee

    Answer by VeronicaLee at 7:59 AM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • He sounds like a Gem to me...not many guys would be so caring but at the same I would make sure the relationship stayed between the kid and your husband and that him and his ex don't rekindle any past feelings...
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 8:08 AM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • you know at first i was upset at the fact that my DH would take not only his son , but also his ex's other son , i did not understand , we have been together 5 yrs now, and the other boy is just as much a part of the family as our biological children
    kileighsmommie

    Answer by kileighsmommie at 11:39 AM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • Something similar happened with my father. He was with my brother's mother and they had my brother, then she left 2 years later. She had a daughter from a previous relationship that my Dad took care of too, and continued to take care of after she left. My Dad sent child support as well as gifts for both children. He didn't give my brother anything that he didn't also give to Jenny. Jenny is also in his will.

    My advice to you is if you can afford it, let your husband do it. It is good for both him and the child. If you cannot afford to do it, make sure your husband at least sends cards and gifts to both children on their birthdays and holidays.
    twin_mommy

    Answer by twin_mommy at 11:51 AM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • That is so sweet of him but he is married to you know and that was her decision when she married the deadbeat guy. if your dh just wants to be in the Childs life then that is up to you, how would that make you feel and don't be so naive about it either I mean like the kid can come over and hang out but for your dh to go over there as if he was the dad uh I don't bc he already has a kid with her.
    have the kids come over to your home and visit that's all I can say Oh and the ex needs to file for child support that deadbeat is not going to get away that easy. GL
    But to answer your question for real (I wouldn't like it)
    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 1:02 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • I think it is sweet of him to want to do something like that.
    LiLJeni

    Answer by LiLJeni at 8:49 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

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