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4 Bumps

How do you stop the feelings of guilt when trying to stand up against abuse?

Am trying to keep strong. Am finding that I have to defend myself . Husband says that I threw him out and when he wouldn't talk then said he was threw with me,wanted nothing to do with family, business etc. The next morning he came back said he was sorry-but I didn't let him back in-I had to stop, couldn't take the abuse anymore-. He's not working(been 8 wks) wants to stay away and work on himself, reading stuff on computer and seeing his counselor who told him she couldn't fix 34 yrs of stuff in 1hr. I think I should start divorce -It is nicer not having to put up with his crap-still feel numb-I get so nerved up after conversation with himWill this get easier -what are some of the feelings you go threw-I know I won't get myself in that position ever again. Daughter wants us to have counseling together-I'm not sure if I can take rehashing everything--34 yrs of nothing ever having closure-I'm so tired of the fight.

Answer Question
 
luckylinda605

Asked by luckylinda605 at 2:08 AM on Oct. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Level 3 (20 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • You have to be strong and you should try and go and see a professional and get advice. You have to make a choice to wana work on it or go seperate ways. I know that when a man is not working he isnt himself. They are not used to staying at home. Also they feel guilty b/c they know inside they are not doing enough for their family. Go see someone(therapist) for yourself and try and go and try and have some sessions together. Hard to tell you what to do.
    Seterah1010

    Answer by Seterah1010 at 2:31 AM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • I usually don't agree with counseling, but I think this one situation where it might do you some good. Go by yourself and work on you. Then maybe with him - not to rehash 34 years, but to maybe just hear where what he is thinking, but with having another person in the room ? He is never going to admit he did anything wrong - he probably doesn't think he did - men typically don't, especially abusive ones. I've been following your posts for the past week or so - I can tell that you need to talk to somebody. I'm not a therapist, but sometimes it helps just to bounce things off of another person who knows what you are going through. You can private e-mail me if you want. -- Jen
    JustMyOpinion22

    Answer by JustMyOpinion22 at 4:12 AM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • Thank you-I did start counseling, if we do counseling together -still will it ever bring closure or will I just get myself tore up? I don't think he will change-he's saying the same thing for years after a bad ones. This man cannot take care of himself -it's awful w/his diabetes-he can't cook etc-I told him I won't be his mother no more-now his daughter is. Counselor didn't think he will change--I get shaking so bad-cannot go back to old way-I'm so scared. I can't remember a whole lot of good times. My being a caretaker sure didn't help. I don't want to have him live w/daughter forever either-I don't think he will ever get a job-Oh-his counselor said he is severely depressed and unhealthy! Gee!!!! He will believe someone else never me. It seems there wan't nothing to good betw/ us-just kids and grandkids. I am looking forward to finding myself-it has been such a long time-I cannot ride the pity train with him no more.
    luckylinda605

    Comment by luckylinda605 (original poster) at 10:33 AM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • Here's a bump for you. GL to you.
    sarasmommy777

    Answer by sarasmommy777 at 3:42 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

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