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8 Bumps

How do you forgive someone who has hurt you very badly?

This person is a relative of mine and she has done horrible horrible things to me since childhood. Too many to discuss. I was always the bigger person, though she is several years older. One day it crossed a line of no return. Her dh tried to rape me. I was only 18. It has been several years since and she has always sided with her dh even though it happened pretty much right under her nose and he's always loved porn and is constantly talking about other women in a lewd way. I have given her several opportunities to apologize but she wont. She has turned the whole family on her side and they don't believe me that it happened anymore. She's very manipulative. I have had nightmares about the incident and anxiety attacks for years. I know you are supposed to forgive and forget but its so very hard. I know that if I do it will be like saying,"I made the whole thing up and she's the right one" and also she will still never admit it

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:12 AM on Oct. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • Why don't you cut ALL ties with these people completely. Family or not, If there is a gathering and they are there then don't go, you don't have to be around people that you don't feel comfortable around ever. For the fact that she has the family believeing them,listen you know what happened and so does she, she is the one that has to live with the fact that her hubby is a scum bag, and she has to live with the scum bag. You know what happened and you know that you are not a lier so keep them away from you and your family live your life and screw your family people like him i can see right though and if no one else can see that in him then it's there loss and they better hold there children really close to them you and I both know that unforaturnally he will do it again and that person will come forward and then what is the familly gonna say with two people saying it. Stay away from them for good.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 2:22 AM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • You do not have to forgive if you can't. There is no such rule in life. Not every situation deserves forgiveness. Forgiveness is more for yourself anyway. Forgive for yourself if you can to be able to move on. It won't happen overnight or anytime soon but maybe one day it will just happen and you will feel a weight lifted. But you don't need to forgive this person who harmed you personally especially if it's this type of situation otherwise like you said they will all think it was a lie. But you know deep down the truth and so does he. You also don't have to be around people family or not that don't believe in you and take sides. Family can be the worst and harshest and sometimes you just need to walk away from even family otherwise it can destroy you and your life. I know from experience just forgive for yourself and you will be able to move on with your life.
    Congenial

    Answer by Congenial at 3:05 AM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • It I quite difficult to forgive someone when they are in denial. Here is an alternative that might help you. Look at the situation for what it is. Your sister is with someone whom tried to have sex with someone else. She is blind to it. You should feel sorry for her that she is living a lie. I am sure she is in a lot of pain herself that she I hiding from you. So feel sorry for her and maybe it will be easier for you to live with.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 7:32 AM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • If it's that badly, just get them out of your life completely if you can.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 12:47 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • axe them from your life thats too many bad things that have happened & serious things - forgivable? i don't think so. You don't need those people. GL to you.
    sarasmommy777

    Answer by sarasmommy777 at 3:40 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • I would say try forgive her because by not forgiving her it is doing more harm to you then it is to her. And why would you want to do that to yourself. I understand your situation, and trust me I know how hard it can be to forgive someone of something like this but it is what is best for you. You cant go around holding a grudge for forever because it will honestly hurt you more then any one else.
    LiLJeni

    Answer by LiLJeni at 8:03 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

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