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Tired of having low self-esteem

I saw a question about being a people pleaser and I wanted to ask for some advice. I used to be a people pleaser because I didn't know how to stand up for myself and say "no". I've had anxiety every since I was a child and it has left me feeling fearful and worried all the time. I'm passive-aggressive and I want to learn how to be assertive without fearing that if I voice my opinion and stand up for myself, that someone will retaliate against me. I know that it's silly to feel that way, but I'm not confident in myself to believe that I can get respect from people.

I see and hear about women being confident and assertive and I wonder how they do it. I know that I have to respect myself more, but how? How can I go from being a doormat to a bold and confident woman? I don't want to become a mean person, I just want to stop living in fear and start saying what I feel without worrying about silly things that might never happen.


Asked by Anonymous at 8:03 AM on Oct. 22, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • Aw I hear ya. I think alot of us to a point have that people pleaser in us...we're women!! One book that I really like is So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore. Also realizing who you are and being comfortable with that. I know its easier said then done, but realizing your loved and confident is all you need in this world.

    Dr Seuss said it best..."Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." :) Hope this helps!

    Answer by Sarahbeth7 at 8:10 AM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • Have always loved that Dr. Seuss quote too !!! There books that you can start out with and if that doesn't help, try a therapist.

    Answer by JustMyOpinion22 at 8:12 AM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • Well, about being able to say no......I was the same way and then someone declined an invitation I made to them and I was not offended because they were so nice about it. I knew I had to start doing the same thing. So I actually praticed out loud saying something like, "thanks very much, but I am not free then" or That sounds like fun, but I am not really into that"..........just something to let them know it's nice of them to invite you. Just ideas...........

    Answer by elizabr at 8:25 AM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • I so hear you on this one. I have very low self-esteem, but my counselor told me first I have to learn to love MYSELF AND THE LITTLE GIRL INSIDE. Then once I conquered that I was able handle some of my issues, It is not going to happen over night but it will happen. If you ever want to talk I am here.

    Answer by LuvinMom73 at 9:28 AM on Oct. 22, 2010