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2 Bumps

Pick and Choose Your Battles... but when is enough just enough?

So when I met my DH, he was the world's biggest slob. Like I can't even describe his apt. It was almost like something out of Hoarders, only it was clothes and trash. But I didn't see this for like months cuz he would throw everything in the spare bedroom that for some reason I never bothered to look in. When we moved in together, it got a little better, but it took me over 5 years to really make an impact on him when it comes to taking care of your surroundings... that and a baby. So today he had to take my car and left me his and OMG when I got in there it was foul. Like clothes and trash and bottles with cig. butts and holy crap I was disgusted. Seriously. It stunk like stale whatever (cig. butts?). He still leaves tissues on the counter and doesn't always clean out his dishes, but it's nowhere near the same as 5yrs ago, but seriously, the car? Ewww. Really, I was furious. What would you do? Really. Am I just irrational?

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Asked by MayMommaToBe at 10:08 AM on Oct. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Level 10 (418 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • I can kind of feel where you're coming from. My husband can be quite the slob too. When I first met him and came to stay with him for a few weeks (we were a long distance relationship, 8 hours apart) he said he "cleaned" his house. When I got there and saw it I was like, "This is clean to him?" Clothes, trash and just random stuff everywhere! I am a very clean, neat and organized person. I hate a clutter and I hate a mess. It took all I had not to freak out while I was there. When he would leave to go to work, I would try to clean up as best as I could. lol. Now that we've gotten married and had a baby, he has gotten better. He cleans up after himself a lot more (still leaves his clothes, shoes and things from work lying around and I'm the one who picks it up) but as far as gross things like trash and such he does himself.

    Answer by poptart0325 at 10:21 AM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • He might have tendencies of being a hoarder. Sometimes the symptoms are there, but aren't really triggered until a crisis or tradgic event. People who are messy aren't really to the point of letting things pile up and rot. I would suggest that you get him some counseling, so that he can work through why he's soo messy. Even if it's just pure laziness he needs to work through the issue before he can resolve it. If he doesn't want to change for himself and the family then he's not going to change. So you can push and prode him all you want, but he needs to want to change.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 10:24 AM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • But his truck broke down about a year ago and we haven't had the money to get it fixed, so I've been letting him drive my car. Every time I get in the car to go with him somewhere, there's all kinds of wrappers, balled up papers, bottles, cans and just all kinds of trash everywhere. And it's always covered in dust, so he never bothers to clean it or vacuum it out. I looked at him one day and said, "This is ridiculous. How old are you? This is so rude. If I was driving YOUR car, I would do the best that I could to keep it clean since it's YOURS and not mine. I was hoping you'd show the same respect to MY car since it's not yours!" Ever since we had that discussion, he has been keeping it clean. Every now and then there are a few papers lying around in it, but it's not as terrible as before. Maybe you just need to have a talk with him. Tell him it's disgusting and it's not good to keep a mess like that. GL.

    Answer by poptart0325 at 10:24 AM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • well, it's his car- so...
    As long as he's not treating YOUR car that way I don't see a reson to be that worked up about it really- you cannot change people, they have to want to change. Maybe he feels like that's one place he can be a slob and you won't bug him about it

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 11:54 AM on Oct. 22, 2010

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