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How do you continue to stay strong?

So I left the father of my kids a couple months ago, and i've been trying to hold on strong. But it's getting so difficult not bc i want to be with him because i miss him. I haven't been so happy in a long time; I have com to realize that he is not the one. The thing thats hard is that i work full-time, I don't get no help from my family (money, or just watching them) so i can atleast recharge my batteries. Taking care of two kids is hard, I love them with all my heart but sometimes i waish i had alittle help. You know! To get to the point the asshole won't help me financially unless i'm with him. It sucks, i know that's he's way of getting me back. What do you do? DO i stay struggling or do i put up with him until i get a better job. In reality i know the answer, i shouldn't go back bc i need him to help me financially.. I dont know, i just needed to vent alittle.

Answer Question
 
phoenixjuelz

Asked by phoenixjuelz at 11:48 AM on Oct. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Level 6 (140 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • You need to get child support. He has an obligation to help support his children and the court will see the same thing.
    Stay strong and know that you are doing better without him.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 11:52 AM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • When I was single and my kids were little I had to make my own playgroup and I had to learn what was good and bad about our relationship. Now I am single again. Realize its hard but dont be dumb like me and go back he has not changed think about how he controls you with money . Think about all of the things that can be so much better pm me if you want to talk have a great day.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 11:55 AM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • Thanks! I def am doing better without him, he still is trying but i'm hanging in there. It's hard but i know i can't take anymore emotional abuse from him. Shit! Were not together and he still does it. But i tryed child support, signed the affiavant form and everything. But he dont work a legit job. So i'm fucked! It sucks i wish i had a good father detecter, or made better choices.. But thats life and i wouldnt trade my kids for the world.
    phoenixjuelz

    Comment by phoenixjuelz (original poster) at 11:55 AM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • Do little things for yourself whenever you can...I had my break down about 3 months after we separated, I started letting my son watch seasame street in the morning and taking that time to do yoga, it made me feel alot better, I treated myself to good books from the library and then would just take him to the park and read and have a minute to myself while we were there
    gypsymama532

    Answer by gypsymama532 at 11:59 AM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • Yes, I think me time is so important and i just recently realized it. I started doing Zumba at my local gym and they have daycare. SO i've been taking advantage of that time and enjoying the workout. It does help alot. I just dont want to go back to the same path cause i;n not blind just alittle weak. lol
    phoenixjuelz

    Comment by phoenixjuelz (original poster) at 12:03 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • Continue on the path that you have before you. Going back to him will only bring you misery and pain and you deserve better than that. I know its rough being a single mother, trying to managae and maintain but it will get better. You have to believe in yourself and believe that the decision you made to leave him was the right decision. I was in an abusive marriage for years and left when I finally woke up to realize that this was not the lifestyle I have envisioned. It took alot of strength from me to maintain my focus on what I wanted in life. If I can do it, you can do it too...just keep focused...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 12:23 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • You have your answer.......what you need to find is some support.....perhaps another single mom you can trade babsitting with to get some time to yourself.....a group of single moms to form some sort of support group to replace the family who won't help you....
    Anna92464

    Answer by Anna92464 at 12:49 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • Of course you feel you miss him but it is not really him you miss and you realize this in your heart. You miss having the security of someone in your life. You feel the desire for a man's touch and so forth because you are use to it. Just remind yourself that when the time is right it will come again and be someone that is deserving of you. As for financial help that is what the court system is for. You don't have to struggle and you don't have to depend on him on his terms. He is doing that to keep control and you have to break that control or you will remain trapped. I don't know what your faith is but pray for strength. Know in your heart that you are strong and fight back. You can do it. I believe in you. Good luck
    Cheveyo1

    Answer by Cheveyo1 at 1:13 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • You need to get child support. You do not have to be with some one to have them help take care of their children. After that, go to your local child support office and see if there are any programs that you can get in being a single parent. I know that every state has different programs, see what programs are available in your state. Talk to your neighbors and friends and see if there are any places or anyone who would be willing to help out. I have a similar situation and I know how hard it is to never get a break. Good luck.

    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 2:13 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • Thank You! I appreciate all the kinds words. Sometimes i need to sit back and review all my thoughts and put everything in prespective!
    phoenixjuelz

    Comment by phoenixjuelz (original poster) at 3:16 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

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