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2 Bumps

What would you do if this happened to your husband?

My husband and I met in a whirlwind and got married. A year later he got cancer and wen through intensive chemotherapay, six months later he was cured. Three years later got a clean bill of health. Doctors said we wouldn't have kids, we had four miscarriages. Now we have two kids and he is going through depression. He says that he loves our family and loves me but his actions show otherwise. We have been married seven years, I understand that we have been through a lot. But how do I keep him checked in when it constantly seems like he is checking out of our life and how do I hold it all together?

 
2kidsandtired

Asked by 2kidsandtired at 1:38 PM on Oct. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Level 10 (397 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • Just let him know each and everyday how grateful you are to him. We all go through phases of questioning of where we are going and where we have been in life. It sounds like he has everything he has every wanted even though the odds were against him and he may be having a hard time dealing with it.
    Tell him you need him and want him in your life, make it all about him for a bit and see if it helps. I know it is tough but if marriage takes work and sometimes you need to take a backseat and let him be running the show.
    tony1638

    Answer by tony1638 at 1:46 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • i think that he sould go see a counselor or therapist to work on himself a little so he can be a better hubby and dad. maybe that would help him to find out what the root of the problem is and when he gets working on that it will help him in the other aspects of his life. gl....be supportive. i know it's hard but you two will get through this (look at how much you two have overcome already!) again...gl.
    princessbeth79

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 1:42 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • agree with counseling.
    older

    Answer by older at 1:40 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • I think maybe your husband needs to talk to a counselor,and possibly the two of you together. Something is evidently bothering him.
    geminilove

    Answer by geminilove at 1:41 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • {{hug}} You need it. A few years back, my hubby started puling back and eventually I had to let him go. We were separated 3 months before he came crawling back. He still says he don't know what he was thinking. Honestly I don't either. I feel for you because I do know how bad this hurts. I hope he can find peace within his self. Good luck =)
    luv2mum

    Answer by luv2mum at 1:42 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • I believe that the most important thing is to be there for each other. With that said, that isn't always enough. I would say get counslining, if only for a few times or a year. You guys have been through a lot and that is hard on our body minds and souls. Sometimes we need a professional. If we need surgery, we go to a surgeous, if we are sick, we see a doctor, but when it comes to our minds we think we should be able to handle it on our own. But sometimes we just need a little help.
    AdoreMaFamille

    Answer by AdoreMaFamille at 1:43 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • Is he seeing that he is not fully "checked in " to your life and family? would he be willing to go to counseling even if he didn't see he was acting this way? Maybe he is feeling scared and family/wife/husband kids is tugging at the freedom a bit ? make sure you both have your time and alone time as well as family time.. good luck
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 1:46 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • I don't agree with marriage counseling right NOW. I think your DH needs to see his OWN therapist right now, and work through HIS feelings.

    KairisMama

    Answer by KairisMama at 1:50 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • If he truly has depression why would he battle it alone without professional help? Did he battle the cancer alone? Of course not, no one would ever think of doing that. It should be no different with depression- it is a treatable problem. You are not a trained professional and you are clearly so involved and vested in the situation, it isn't fair of him to only confide in you when you can listen but don't have the capability to fix the problem. If he has an illness that is negatively impacting the family and he refuses to get treatment you don't have many options other than to deal with it the best you can or to consider ending the relationship. He has children and a wife who need him to be healthy and taking care of himself. I would try to stess these points to him and to let him know that you need him to get better, while you can be there beside him you can't do it for him. Good luck to you.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 2:36 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • Marriage counseling
    ballewal

    Answer by ballewal at 1:39 PM on Oct. 22, 2010